Why are Teens Really Having Sex? It’s Not What You May Think!

Young couple kissing

I believe students find my presentation to be so effective because I don’t use the fear of contracting STD’s or getting pregnant to persuade them not to have sex. While the “scared straight” approach may work at convincing most teens to avoid jail, it doesn’t convince most to avoid sex. 

Why? Because raging hormones that need to be scared straight into submission aren’t the real reason teens are having sex based on what my students tell me in the letters they write – especially girls. In fact, in many cases, they don’t even want to have sex as you’ll see in the clip below.

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The Ripple Effect: 2015 Edition

stones in a water

 

 

“I alone cannot change the world; but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” ~Mother Theresa

 

I hope your new year has gotten off to a great start! It's hard to believe the month of January is almost over and I’m just getting around to sharing my 2015 review, which may be an indication that 2016 is going to be just as busy as 2015 was.

Each year, as I assemble the data to share my review of the previous year, I’m always blown away when I look at the numbers.

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How Not to Talk to Your Teens about Love, Sex & Relationships: Korey’s Advice to Parents

For the past seven weeks, I’ve had the privilege of sharing my Conversation with Korey series with all of you, and today it draws to a close.

If you’ve been with me from the beginning, you’ll recall that Korey Harris, is but one of an awesome group of ten young adults whom I’ve been blessed to mentor.  Each of them have their own amazing story to tell, and are often the highlight of my youth empowerment workshops. They are one of the many reasons #WhyIDoWhatIDo.

I have witnessed first-hand, how much Korey’s transparency and candor has resonated with the teens who have attended my events. He’s also been a hit with their parents who value his insight into their teen world.  

So today, in my final Conversation with Korey post, we sit down to discuss advice for parents. Check out Korey’s words of wisdom for moms and dads who may struggle with how to engage their teens in meaningful discussion about love, sex and relationships, in a way that won’t go in one ear and out the other.

A Tale of Two Extremes

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#DadsMatter: Korey Explains How Fatherlessness Leaves Boys Searching…

If you missed last week’s Conversation with Korey post and video on the impact of fatherlessness on girls, I strongly suggest that you read/see it! Korey’s insight was spot on. Not only about how these young ladies are often preyed upon by boys, but also how many of them seek validation outside of home. 

This week, Korey brings that same level of “been-there-done-that” insight to our discussion on the impact of fatherlessness on boys.

As I stated in my disclaimer last week, the purpose of this post is not to assign blame to anyone for the very complex subject of fatherlessness. I think we can agree there is plenty of blame to go around and too much at stake to waste time pointing fingers. Instead, I choose to focus attention on the people who fatherlessness impacts the most –the kids! And clearly, boys are just as affected as girls, although in different ways.

In Search of Self

Korey believes that boys without fathers start out in life from “behind the eight ball.” He’s quick to point out that this isn’t a knock against their mothers, nor does it mean that boys without dads are automatically doomed for failure. But thinking back over his experiences as well as that of his fatherless friends, Korey realized they all shared some similar characteristics.  They were always searching, not knowing what they were destined to do (or become). And they often struggled to finish whatever they started.

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#DadsMatter: Korey Explains How Fatherless Girls Become Easy Prey for Guys

Hopefully by now the Conversation with Korey blog series has sparked honest, open-ended discussions between you and your teen. The practical tips Korey shared last week are great for any guy or girl who’s made a commitment to abstain and needs additional inspiration on how to “sex-proof” their day-to-day decisions.

In today’s post, Korey and I delve into the highly sensitive topic of fatherlessness and its impact on girls. Before we begin, now feels like a great time to offer my disclaimer: The purpose of this post is not to assign blame to anyone for the very complex subject of fatherlessness. Our goal is simply to highlight some of the issues that girls without fathers face as a result.

While this is never a fun topic to discuss, it’s one that am forced to address every time I speak to girls. So many of them are suffering the negative effects of not having dads in their lives, which almost always shows up in their relationships with boys. That’s why I wanted to get Korey’s take on it. 

The insight he offers as a young man who has encountered, been in relationships and/or had sex with young ladies without fathers, is worthy of taking notes.

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How to Turn Your Sex Talk into a Vision Board

Many students are often surprised to discover that “sex” is only a fraction of what I cover with them in my Sex-Ed classes. I spend a lot of time talking to teens about having a vision and setting goals for themselves. I also let them know that I expect greatness from them, which is something I encourage parents to do in The Sex Talk Every Parent Needs to Have DVD.

3D Parent DVD w credits2

Last week I posted about a mom, after my own heart, who took my DVD and ran with it! I shared the first part of her testimonial of how she made the DVD work for her and her 13-year-old son. If you haven’t already, I strongly suggest that you read it here.

Today is Part 2 of this amazing mom’s mission to open up the lines of communication with her son.

 

 

1.  Share My Expectations with My Son

I created a list of my expectations for my son. I made sure that for each one I used positive words, which presupposes positive actions. I read through the list with him and asked him if he had any concerns. I also offered an explanation for each expectation so he would know what I meant. He said he understood. These expectations are now posted on his bedroom door. The full quote from your DVD escapes me at the moment, but I remember something about “greatness being achieved when greatness is expected…” I may have it wrong at this moment, but that quote is what sparked the idea to write down and post my expectations of him.

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A Real Mom’s Guide to Having the Sex Talk with Her Son

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For years parents have sought my advice on how to talk to their kids about sex. Some have even asked me to have “The Talk” with their kids on their behalf. There was no way I could physically speak to every child whose parent(s) requested, nor would I want to rob any parent of having an open and honest dialogue about sex and relationships with their child. However, I recognized that many parents were clueless about how to even begin the conversation. Thus The Sex Talk Every Parent Should Have DVD was born.

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Worth the Wait! How Will They Know?

Anticipation-7Are you old enough to remember the Heinz™ ketchup commercial with the “Anticipation” song? The lyrics were simple, “Anticipation…It’s making me wait.” It took, what seemed like, forever for the ketchup to finally drip from the bottle as the caption read, “The taste that’s worth the wait!”

Waiting! Who does that anymore?!?!

I’m not one to glamorize the past and make it seem like this generation is “going to h*%@ in a hand basket.” But, I often tell students that I feel sorry for their generation for many reasons. One of those reasons is the fact that many of them are being deprived of the opportunity to experience the emotion of “anticipation” and the joy of its fulfillment. They are required to wait on very little today. For most of them, whatever they want, they get!

I’m not sure what your childhood was like, but there were a couple of ways I was blessed to experience the fulfillment of anticipation when I was a kid.

Cartoons

Did your parents ever complain about how difficult it was to get you out of bed for school during the week, but yet on Saturday mornings you were up bright and early in order to watch cartoons? If you were like I was, you were so excited about the chance to watch cartoons on Saturday that you were up even earlier than your parents were.  Oh, how things have changed: today kids can watch cartoons 24 hours a day, seven days a week. As a result, they never get to experience the weekly excitement of looking forward to Saturday mornings.

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Can You Tell Your Teen to Abstain If You Didn’t?

Hypocrite and Teacher-4

Daughters of teen moms are three times more likely to become teenage mothers themselves.1

Have you noticed this phenomenon and ever wondered why it happened? Well I certainly have! As a matter of fact, this statistic has always baffled me.

For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why a teen girl would repeat the behavior that has often times caused her to grow up struggling unnecessarily.  Yet, I’ve met teen mom after teen mom who has said the same thing,

I can’t believe I'm getting ready to do to my child, the same thing my mother did to me.”

Be a Teacher, NOT a Hypocrite!

After conducting parent workshops and talking to mothers who had themselves been teen moms, I finally understood how and why the above statistic could've come to be.

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Date Rape: Lifting the Burden of Secrecy!

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Last year, my post to commemorate “Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month” focused on children who were molested or raped as a child by a family member. This year I want to focus on date rape, which is unfortunately a lot more common than it should be.

While teaching recently, I noticed a young lady trying her best not to lose it when I told a story about another student who had shared with me that she had been “date raped.” Tears streamed down the young lady’s face, as she tried her best to keep the rest of the class from seeing her cry.

She broke down crying in my arms after class and told me her boyfriend had raped her two years ago when she was in the 9th grade. She said she broke up with him the next day, but had never told anyone about the rape.

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