How a Dad Turned his Daughter Against Marriage!

Broken MarriageTypically we think of women being the ones who bash guys/men or use stereotypical statements when describing them. I recently received a letter from a young lady whose father was the one who bashed guys and in turn convinced her that she never wanted to get married because there were no “good guys” out there.

Dear Ms. Jackie,

When you came to talk to my class, I had already made up my mind that I wouldn’t wait until I got married to have sex. The main reason I had made up my mind about not waiting till I got married was because I wasn’t planning on ever getting married.

I have always had a very close relationship with my dad, and he has hammered into my head since a young age that all guys are the same. They just want to have sex. For the longest time, I have believed he was right. But when you came in and read some of the letters from guys and told the stories about the decent guys, it gave me hope that one day I will find a good, faithful guy…I now fully intend to wait.

Thank you so much for coming in and talking to us, and please keep doing what you’re doing. There are so many futures you are saving.

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Three Reasons Teen Girls Stay Instead of Walking Away!

conflict and emotional stress in young coupleHave you ever wondered why teenage girls stay in unhealthy relationships?

A recent conversation with a young lady after class provides some insight.

She waited until everyone else left and came back to speak with me. It took her a while to speak because she was trying unsuccessfully to fight back tears. I held her as she cried and I repeated, “Whatever it is, you’re going to be okay!”

She finally pulled herself together enough to speak and said,

Thank you for speaking to my class! Hearing you speak made me realize that I need to end a 2 ½ year relationship with my boyfriend. He pressured me into having sex about 9 months after we started dating. Even though he wasn’t a good guy, I felt like I had to have sex with him to keep him around. I gave him so many chances even when he lied to me and cheated on me. He even gave me an incurable STD and I stayed with him.

Last summer I was diagnosed with HPV, the strain that causes cervical cancer. I’ve already had my cervix scraped twice because the pre-cancer cells had returned. My doctor says I will have to be monitored for cervical cancer the rest of my life.

Listening to you talk about how a guy treats a girl that he really loves made me realize that he never really loved me. I just wish I had heard you before I made the decision to have sex with him. It’s not going to be easy, but I know what I have to do now.

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Guys Want to Hear More about “Protection” from a Sex Ed Teacher!


ProtectionI am very grateful when God gives me a new approach to use with young men to counteract the barrage of messages they get from the media encouraging them to have sex. This week, I will share a strategy I began implementing with guys about a year ago that has proven to be quite effective. And it’s not what you think!

I’ve found that guys are not always aware that the reasons why girls have sex, in many cases, are very different than their own. Guys are also often ignorant of the emotional impact of the sexual activity on girls.

In order to help guys understand the cause and effect of sex for many girls, I read them one of the thousands of letters that I have received from teen girls, like the following:

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Fatherless Sons: Exposing the Epidemic and Breaking the Cycle

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For the past two months, I have been hearing a great deal about Oprah’s Lifeclass series on "Fatherless Sons," and was finally able to watch a full episode last night.

It was not long into last night’s show before I realized it would be difficult to watch the entire show without being reminded of the painful stories and letters that I have heard and read over the past 11 years.

One of the stories I was reminded of while watching was a conversation I had with a 9th grade young man four or five years ago. This young man waited to speak with me after class and shared the following: 

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Why Daughters Need their Dads!

Daughter&Dad

When a girl’s first date is with her father, 
all other men must measure up.
~Author Unknown

 

But what happens when a girl’s father is not actively engaged in her life?

Often times she makes poor relationship choices, becomes sexually active at a young age and spends the rest of her life questioning why her father did not love her enough to want to be a part of her life.

A teen girl tells us why:

We were discussing the “father issue” in class one day and a young lady gave the following explanation as to why many young ladies make poor relationship decisions and do not always demand to be treated with respect or recognize their value:

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Do You Know What’s On Their List?

TodolistThe common assumption is that teen girls are having sex because guys are pressuring them into doing so, and that is often not the case.  What may surprise you and what I am hearing from 8th grade girls is oftentimes their decision to have sex is made long before guys even ask them for sex or long before they have boyfriends in some cases.

Following are some reasons 8th grade girls have given for PLANNING to have sex:

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Boundaries: Who Needs Them?

highway_guardrails

WE ALL DO!

I tell students they will never outgrow their need for boundaries and the sooner they learn to establish and maintain them the easier it will be for them to do so later in life.

Unfortunately, many students are not being given boundaries at home when they are younger, making it more difficult for them to establish and maintain them for themselves when they become teenagers (or when they are adults for that matter).

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How do children spell “LOVE?”

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The Bigger Picture

Yesterday after finishing a presentation to a health class of high school juniors and seniors, five young men stayed after class to speak with me. The last young man who had patiently waited for me to finish speaking with the others simply wanted to say “Thank You!” I told him how much it meant to me that he had waited so long to let me know how much he appreciated and benefitted from my presentation.

I also told him I was sure he was already making good decisions even before hearing me speak. He dropped his head and said nothing. I said, “But you will START making good decisions after today because when you know better, you do better, right?” He smiled and said, “Yes!”

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