4 Rules for Your Daughter to Date By

Welcome back for the final post of my Let's Talk Teens® series with Dr. Tartt.

I hope you've been enlightened, encouraged and empowered by the information shared over the past month and a half. Including:

  1. The #1 Issue Facing Teen Girls Today
  2. The (Dad)vantages of an Involved Father in a Teen Girl's Life
  3. How to Help Physically Present, Emotionally Absent Fathers Engage with their Daughters
  4. How to Empower Daughters Who Don't Have Engaged Dads!
  5. Advice for the Single Mom Whose Daughter's Father is Absent
  6. Why It's Irresponsible to Deny Counseling to Teen Girls

Today, I wrap up my one-on-one with noted clinical psychologist, Dr. Alduan Tartt, as he reveals his top four dating rules for his daughter that you can tweak to use for your own.

Teen Dating Rules of Engagement

Want your daughter to make smart dating decisions?

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Why it’s Irresponsible to Deny Counseling to Teen Girls

Welcome back to the sixth post of my Let's Talk Teens series featuring Dr. Tartt. With only one more remaining, now is the time to get caught up if you've missed any of the five previous posts. 

Today, Dr. Tartt and I discuss what I believe is the missing puzzle piece for many teen girls who, for various reasons, are not emotionally whole.

As I've mentioned before, these are the girls who stay after class bawling in my arms.

Or the ones who write me letters three-pages long.

Either way, the girls often reveal secrets their mothers aren't even aware of. The kind I'm sometimes mandated to report.

These young ladies come to me seeking counsel. So, I listen and offer whatever comfort and insight I can. Then I strongly encourage them to tell their mothers, and seek professional therapy.

After that it's up to their moms to pursue it.

Would you?

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Advice for the Single Mom Whose Daughter’s Father is Absent

During the last few weeks of my Let's Talk Teens with Dr. Tartt blog post series, we've talked a lot about the importance of engaged fathers in a girl's life.

The benefits daughters reap when Dads are present and involved are undeniable.

The disadvantages daughters face when Dads are emotionally or physically absent, are equally undeniable, as Dr. Tartt shares here and here.

It would be wonderful if all teen girls fell into the first category.

Unfortunately, many fall into the latter—daughters whose dads aren't present in their lives.

The result?

I have hundreds of letters from teen girls, who've told me they turned to their boyfriends to fill the void.

I grew up raised by a single mother and absent father. I’ve never had sex, but it’s gotten close. And it’s true that I think it’s just a way to fill a void and I struggle with it daily.

Even guys write me about girls expecting them to fill the void of their absent fathers.

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How to Empower Daughters Who Don’t Have Engaged Dads!

Imagine what it would be like if every daughter had a healthy relationship with a great father who validates, protects, guides and provides for her.

Talk about (dad)vantages. We could retire the term "daddy issues" once and for all!

If only…

But unfortunately, many teen girls don't have much of a relationship with their fathers at all. "Daddy issues" often plague them as a result.

I am a fifteen-year-old girl in her sophomore year. Personally, I wanted to say thank you for allowing me to realize the purpose I have. I myself am considered to have 'daddy issues.' I’ve never really had a stable relationship with my father since he walked out and divorced my mom when I was 10. Anyways, with that at hand, I’ve always felt like I needed someone to approve of me. I’ve felt unwanted and just needed someone to tell me I’m better than the stuff I’ve been thinking of doing. Basically, I just wanted to say thank you so much for helping me realize again that my morals and life mean something.

One thing I will never forget is how you spoke about how a lot of teen girls who haven’t had a good father in their life to prove them they are worth so much more, were usually the ones who seek attention and love from their boyfriend. That was always something I expected from my boyfriend. My dad isn’t a bad person overall but he never really sacrificed much to be a part of my life which I resent about him a lot. Therefore, I use to expect so much from my boyfriend. I never thought of myself as you explained I should.

You know what I wish?

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How to Help Physically Present, Emotionally Absent Fathers Engage with Their Daughters

I'm so glad you're back for the third post of my Let's Talk Teens with Dr. Tartt series. Thank you so much for sharing the first two posts with your friends on social media, and for the great feedback you've provided.

Clearly the topics we're tackling are resonating with readers. And hopefully, we are adding value to you and your family!

Last week when Dr. Tartt and I discussed the (dad)vantages of an actively engaged father in a teen girl's life, we both knew we'd have to address the moms out there whose daughters haven't been able to reap the benefits.

Typically, when the subject of disengaged fathers comes up, we think of fathers who do NOT live in the home with their daughters.

Of course, this is a legitimate issue of concern. And believe me, it's one I receive countless letters from girls about.

But you know what's also true?

[Read more…]

The (Dad)vantages of an Involved Father in a Teen Girl’s Life

Welcome back to the second post in my Let's Talk Teens with Dr. Tartt series. Hopefully, you found last week's discussion about the #1 issue facing teen girls today as insightful as I did.

If you missed it, go here to catch up and discover how to help your daughter avoid it.

Today, Dr. Tartt and I are talking dads and daughters.

If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you may be thinking, "Another post about fathers?”

The short answer is YES!

There's a reason why I dedicated an entire chapter of my book 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You to the subject…

Why I created an online webinar for parents specifically addressing The Daddy-Daughter Dynamic

And why I couldn't wait to seek Dr. Tartt's professional advice on the topic…

The reason?

Because this topic comes up again and again, in class and in countless letters girls write me…

Because there's no denying the advantages teen girls experience when they have a healthy relationship with their fathers…

And we want to help as many girls as possible experience those same advantages!

Breaking Down the Benefits

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The #1 Issue Facing Teen Girls Today? Hint: It’s Probably Not What You Think!

For years, moms have approached me to “counsel” their daughters one-on-one.

Hoping I can determine whether underlying issues have contributed to them making poor sexual decisions.

And I get it. Teen girls’ sexual decisions are often the result of them medicating pain.

I see it on their faces when the information I share in class hits too close to home.

It’s like I’ve ripped off a scab before deep wounds have had time to heal.  

They are often in pain and it is real and raw. And truth be told, I feel guilty for exposing a wound without being able to heal it.

I wish I could heal every hurt of every girl who is visibly shaken during class or pours out her heart to me after class. But I can’t.

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Celebrating One Year, 7 Secrets & 3,000+ Girls Impacted

7 Secrets Flyer for October 15th

One year. 7 Secrets. 3,000+ girls impacted. Either from reading 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You themselves or from learning about the Secrets during my presentations.

Unlocking the 7 Secrets has made it possible for me to educate and empower girls I never would have otherwise.

Who knew the girl who hated writing as a teen would grow up to become the author of a book that is transforming the way young women view and value themselves in and outside of a relationship?

Not me!

And yet, I am blown away by the feedback 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You: A Teen Girl’s Guide on Love, Sex, and Relationships has received over the past year.

From young women.  

This book was an eye-opener for me and I think it will be for many teenage girls…Not only does this book show you how to handle the challenges we deal with, but also the truth behind some of the things we as teenagers are going through. -15-Year-Old Girl

I suppose being five months away from turning twenty-one doesn't quite qualify me as a ‘teen’ but I cannot deny that 7 Secrets Guy Will Never Tell You spoke to me in areas that I didn't even know I needed to address in my life…As I read this book, I discovered a key component I was missing in my journey [of self-discovery] was self-respect. -Young Woman

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How I’m Expanding Your Daughter’s Pool of Guys She Could Marry

Wedding Day Hands

People ask me all the time why I focus on teen girls in my posts.

 “What about the guys?” they ask. And I get the concern.

We’ve been guilty as a culture of blaming and shaming girls for their sexual decisions. Especially when those choices result in teen pregnancy.

While guys are often let off the hook. Celebrated even for their sexual prowess.

I don’t agree with that kind of thinking.

If we’re going to expect girls to abstain from sex. We ought to expect the same from guys.

That’s what I do in the classroom every day. My mission is to increase the pool of guys that teen girls will have to choose from when they marry one day. Maybe even for your daughter.

How do I accomplish this?

I start by challenging guys to consider their future family’s best interests over their sex interests.

Putting their Future Family First

One of the ways I reach guys is by educating them on consequences that they aren’t aware of…like the fact that guys can’t be tested for the strain of HPV that causes cervical cancer in women.

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What Teen Guys “Get” About Commitment That Teen Girls Don’t!

People in love with african little girl and boy holding hands in park. Cropped view

In last week’s post, I talked about how girls view sex as “forever,” and guys do not.  It is the same thing with commitment. Teen girls imagine a “happily ever after” while guys think “we’re monogamous for now.”

And you know what? I can’t be mad at guys for that.

What Guys “Get” that Girls Don’t

Here’s why I think guys get commitment right, and I wish girls would take a page out of their book:

After a girl in class complained about boys being unable to commit in a relationship, a young man who had admitted earlier to being sexually active commented, 

Why do girls expect long-term commitments at our age? We are too immature to commit. We don’t really know who we are yet, and the person I am now is probably different than the person I’ll be later. If I don’t even know who I’m going to be in 5 years, why do they expect us to know who we want to be with in 5 years?

“We are too immature…We don’t really know who we are yet…”

Ding! Ding! Ding!

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