Six Things I Learned from a Former Student’s Phone Call

Cell PhoneI received a call Saturday from a soon to be 22 -year-old young lady who served on the leadership team of an after-school club I worked with when she was in high school.  I had not spoken with her since she graduated from high school.

She began by telling me she had wanted to talk with me for a couple years, but had just built up enough courage to call me. She was reluctant to call because she was ashamed of her decision to begin having sex at 19 years old. She was also afraid I would be disappointed in her.

As I listened to her talk about how she was parented and why she made the decision to have sex, I heard some very interesting things that I would like to share with you:

1. Children need rules and want high expectations!

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Guys Want to Hear More about “Protection” from a Sex Ed Teacher!


ProtectionI am very grateful when God gives me a new approach to use with young men to counteract the barrage of messages they get from the media encouraging them to have sex. This week, I will share a strategy I began implementing with guys about a year ago that has proven to be quite effective. And it’s not what you think!

I’ve found that guys are not always aware that the reasons why girls have sex, in many cases, are very different than their own. Guys are also often ignorant of the emotional impact of the sexual activity on girls.

In order to help guys understand the cause and effect of sex for many girls, I read them one of the thousands of letters that I have received from teen girls, like the following:

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Why High School Boys Say “NO” to Sex!

Thank you so much for coming to talk to my class, I have a new perspective when I think about sex. I have a girlfriend of thirteen months, and when you mentioned that if you love someone you keep their best interest at heart, it really spoke to me. This is because I feel as if I do love her and I have never pressured her into sex because I know where she places her standards and I don’t think there is anything more attractive than that. And she is the only girl I have imagined having a future with. Because of your talks I have a better understanding of what is most important; and that is her, not parts of her. Thank you again for all you have said and all you do.

I am excited to share the last post in my series "Teens Tell All: Top 20 Reasons Why Teens DO and DON'T Have Sex" and I think you will be quite encouraged.

Check out the video below to learn what keeps high school boys from becoming sexually active and what you can do to help your son make the same choice.

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When Boys Think Sex = Manhood

I appreciate you for not giving up on teens. I thought the presentation was informative and realistic, especially the part about guys being pressured into having sex. Sometimes it feels like society wants us to have sex, like we aren’t really men if we don’t take advantage of women. I just thank you for your efforts in trying to save us. ~High School Student

In today’s post I share with you why high school boys tell me they make a decision to have sex. What may surprise you is that some young men say they are influenced to become sexually active by adults.

 

Find out more in the video below:

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Why High School Girls Say “NO” to Sex!

I value and respect myself so I know I'm worth more than some physical pleasure with no commitment!

Finally! A post in my series where I share some good news with you. Today I'm talking about all of the reasons high schools girls give me for choosing to abstain from sex. 

Check out the video below to learn what keeps high school girls from becoming sexually active and what you can do to help your daughter make the same choice.

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Does She Know Her Worth?

If a girl doesn't know her worth, she will settle for what someone else is willing to spend; and she won't even know she got cheated.

For the past few weeks, I have been sharing the top reasons teens tell me they have sex. If this is the first post you have read in this series, I encourage you to spend some time reading the other posts. 

In today's post I share the final reason high school girls give me for having sex. 

Check out the video below:

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Why Daughters Need their Dads!

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When a girl’s first date is with her father, 
all other men must measure up.
~Author Unknown

 

But what happens when a girl’s father is not actively engaged in her life?

Often times she makes poor relationship choices, becomes sexually active at a young age and spends the rest of her life questioning why her father did not love her enough to want to be a part of her life.

A teen girl tells us why:

We were discussing the “father issue” in class one day and a young lady gave the following explanation as to why many young ladies make poor relationship decisions and do not always demand to be treated with respect or recognize their value:

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Love-Ed vs. Sex-Ed

Love Book

 

I think we miss the boat when we spend so much time talking to teens about sex when the better conversation is one about “love!”

When a young lady tells me she has sex in order to show her boyfriend how much she loves him (which is one reason high school girls give me for having sex), I immediately think that she needs a lesson in “Love-Ed” –a term coined by another student. And my response to her is:

What are you going to do to show yourself how much you love YOU?  You have to love yourself first before you can really love anyone else.

When you love YOU, you don’t make decisions that could jeopardize your chances of reaching your dreams and goals.  When you really love others, you don't let them make decisions that are harmful for them either.

What is more important than showing your boyfriend how much you love him is showing yourself and others how much you love and respect YOU!

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Protecting Your Child from Sexual Assault

saam_logo-generalenglish_2On May 1st, I will begin my blog series “Teens Tell All: Top 20 Reasons why Teens DO and DON’T Have Sex,” in support of Teen Pregnancy Prevention Month.

However, I decided to address one of those reasons this week since April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. 

Since beginning this work, I have been blown away by the large number of girls who reveal in their anonymous letters that they have been raped or molested.

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Protecting Innocence or Promoting Ignorance?

 

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There are times when I speak to 8th grade students and am really torn about how much information to share because the experiences of the students are SO extreme.

High school students say they love that I “keep it real” and don’t sugarcoat anything. That is a little more difficult for me to do when I am in 8th grade classes because some of the girls are so innocent that I almost cringe when the more experienced girls ask very explicit questions or make vulgar comments.

This is an example of the type of innocence I sometimes encounter:

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