The (Dad)vantages of an Involved Father in a Teen Girl’s Life

Welcome back to the second post in my Let's Talk Teens with Dr. Tartt series. Hopefully, you found last week's discussion about the #1 issue facing teen girls today as insightful as I did.

If you missed it, go here to catch up and discover how to help your daughter avoid it.

Today, Dr. Tartt and I are talking dads and daughters.

If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you may be thinking, "Another post about fathers?”

The short answer is YES!

There's a reason why I dedicated an entire chapter of my book 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You to the subject…

Why I created an online webinar for parents specifically addressing The Daddy-Daughter Dynamic

And why I couldn't wait to seek Dr. Tartt's professional advice on the topic…

The reason?

Because this topic comes up again and again, in class and in countless letters girls write me…

Because there's no denying the advantages teen girls experience when they have a healthy relationship with their fathers…

And we want to help as many girls as possible experience those same advantages!

Breaking Down the Benefits

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The #1 Issue Facing Teen Girls Today? Hint: It’s Probably Not What You Think!

For years, moms have approached me to “counsel” their daughters one-on-one.

Hoping I can determine whether underlying issues have contributed to them making poor sexual decisions.

And I get it. Teen girls’ sexual decisions are often the result of them medicating pain.

I see it on their faces when the information I share in class hits too close to home.

It’s like I’ve ripped off a scab before deep wounds have had time to heal.  

They are often in pain and it is real and raw. And truth be told, I feel guilty for exposing a wound without being able to heal it.

I wish I could heal every hurt of every girl who is visibly shaken during class or pours out her heart to me after class. But I can’t.

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What Teen Guys “Get” About Commitment That Teen Girls Don’t!

People in love with african little girl and boy holding hands in park. Cropped view

In last week’s post, I talked about how girls view sex as “forever,” and guys do not.  It is the same thing with commitment. Teen girls imagine a “happily ever after” while guys think “we’re monogamous for now.”

And you know what? I can’t be mad at guys for that.

What Guys “Get” that Girls Don’t

Here’s why I think guys get commitment right, and I wish girls would take a page out of their book:

After a girl in class complained about boys being unable to commit in a relationship, a young man who had admitted earlier to being sexually active commented, 

Why do girls expect long-term commitments at our age? We are too immature to commit. We don’t really know who we are yet, and the person I am now is probably different than the person I’ll be later. If I don’t even know who I’m going to be in 5 years, why do they expect us to know who we want to be with in 5 years?

“We are too immature…We don’t really know who we are yet…”

Ding! Ding! Ding!

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Three #Back2School Conversations You NEED to Have With Your Daughter!

teen daughter and mother talking

Welcome back to my #Back2School with Jackie B blog post series. I hope you’ve found the first two posts to be helpful for both you and your daughter as she kicks off a new school year.

You especially want to make sure your daughter has her copy of my FREE Checklist, 10 Things Every Teen Girl Needs to be F.A.B.. Go here to download it today!

In part three of the series, I would like to share three conversations I believe every parent of a teen daughter needs to have to prepare her for a successful and stress-free new school year.

Obviously, there are countless conversations that can and should be had with your daughter over the course of this school year. (The more the merrier if you ask me).

But these are three that routinely come up with girls in my classroom, that I think would have a far greater impact with your daughter if initiated by you at home.

1. "I expect you to do your best, not be 'the best.'"

One of the complaints I continue to hear from teen girls, particularly 8th graders, is that they are under constant pressure to be perfect.

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10 Things Every Girl Needs for #Back2School You Won’t Find on a Supply List

Welcome back to the second post of my #Back2School with Jackie B. series. If you live in the Southeast like I do, you’re probably cart-deep in #Back2School shopping for your daughter. 

B2S ChecklistNew clothes. New uniforms. New backpack. New school supplies. 

All are important items to have for the new year.

But if you really want to make sure your daughter is prepared for #Back2School, make sure she stocks up on the following 10 things you won’t find on any supply list:

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Three A+ Tips to Help Your Daughter Have a Distraction-Free School Year

Mother and Daughter

Time to kick-off the new school year with my #Back2School with Jackie B blog post series!

I am as excited about this series as I am about returning to the classroom.

Why? Because I get to share strategies you can use to help prepare your daughter for life at school.

Like the following three A+ tips you can implement to help your daughter focus on what's important and steer clear of distractions. Especially the "cute" kind. smiley

1. Help her write a vision and create goals.  

I find it counter-productive to tell students they should abstain from sex until they get married or even hold off until they’re adults, without helping them envision what they want their future to look like.

When teens can visualize what they stand to gain in the future (achieving their goals), they’re much more receptive to putting off unnecessary distractions in the present (having sex).

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It Takes Two to Tango: Why Educating Your Daughter is Only Half the Battle

When schools request that I come do an assembly, I’m often invited to only speak to the girls.

I then counter by strongly suggesting that I speak to both the girls and guys.

Why?

Because educating girls about love, sex, and relatinships is only half the battle!

And guys are often just as receptive to my message as girls are, and sometimes more so.

My Equal Opportunity Message

As much as I enjoy seeing the light-bulb go off for a girl or guy in my class, I really love it when I get to talk to couples.

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The Issue of Faith: Why it Matters and How NOT to Apply It When Having “The Talk”


A latin mature father sitting and reading the Bible to his family outdoors in a medium shot.

In honor of this Easter weekend, I thought it fitting to tackle the role faith plays in teen girls’ decision-making when it comes to sex.

From the time we were born, we were taught to chase the momentary satisfaction. We were taught to find the largest high to fulfill our greatest lows and for me, that was sex. I gained my ultimate satisfaction from the opinion of man. It wasn’t until I discovered that a righteous, pure, just man died for me, that I found my true value and worth, Jesus Christ. Now I no longer have to chase the momentary satisfaction because I’ve found a permanent one. ~High School Junior

The truth is, religious beliefs are a very strong reason why some teen girls (and guys) abstain.

According to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than half of teen girls—57 percent—said that they had never had sex, and nearly one-half of these young women said that the main reason they had abstained from sex was that it was against their religion or morals. 1

And I have received numerous letters from girls that confirm this survey’s results.

If I wasn’t already sold on being sexually abstinent because of religious and emotional reasons, I surely am now. ~High School Sophomore

I am a Christian girl and my biggest fear isn’t STD’s or the emotional distress, etc. It’s the fact that my God would be disappointed in me. I am not trying to say that I would have sex if I didn’t know my God but I’m saying why don’t you explain to people that you can find love through something else that’s not a person or material things. ~High School Freshman

As a Christian myself, I understand why Christian parents would approach their “Talk” from a biblical perspective. And I think that’s great!

But time and again I see teens reject their parents’ teachings.

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Prom Proposition: How to Save Your Daughter from Making an Offer Her Date May or May Not Refuse

It’s that time of year again when girls are on the hunt for that showstopper dress and matching shoes, the perfect hairstyle to accentuate their best features and a flawless make-up application to tie it all together.  

Apart from her future wedding day, and perhaps her Sweet Sixteenth birthday, there isn’t an event in a girl’s life more highly anticipated than prom.  

Why?

If you think it’s just about saying “yes to the dress,” think again!

Who’s Pressuring Whom?

You’ve often heard me talk about how things have changed over the 15 years that I’ve been speaking to teens. Well, this is one of those areas.

We’ve always believed the guy is the one who would pressure the girl to have sex on prom night.

Not anymore! Check out what this young man wrote me:

My friend is asking me constantly to take her virginity on prom night. I love her, but I would feel guilty knowing if I do she would feel guilty seeing how she used to say she wanted to wait till marriage. Sad thing is that I persuaded her to think another way, talk about irony, right? Another factor that I find more messed up is that other females ask me to take theirs as well. Being a young man, I know I’ll make the right decision.

I don’t know for the life of me when prom became the expiration date for when a girl loses her virginity. Unfortunately, it’s an issue that I continue to see play out with students.

Like the young man who approached me after the second day of my class to ask for advice. He was a junior and dating a girl who was a sophomore.

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Keeping Secrets: 3 Reasons Why Your Daughter Doesn’t Confide in You and What You Can Do About It

Secrets

Teen girls, who could easily be your daughter, confide in me secrets that they don’t share with their moms.

I know this to be true because of what they’ve told me.

I wake up and ask myself every day, ‘Why did you have sex with him?’ and I can’t even answer it. I just felt like I had to…I refuse to tell my mom. I never want her to find out. I hate myself for not being able to control this stuff.

Fears Fueling Girls’ Secrecy
 
So why do teen girls pour out their heartfelt secrets to me? And how can moms like you apply what works for me with your own daughters? 
 
Here are three reasons why your daughter may be keeping secrets, along with tips to help you help her so she’ll know it’s safe to share both her highs and her lows with you.
 
1. She’s afraid you’ll judge her.