The #1 Issue Facing Teen Girls Today? Hint: It’s Probably Not What You Think!

For years, moms have approached me to “counsel” their daughters one-on-one.

Hoping I can determine whether underlying issues have contributed to them making poor sexual decisions.

And I get it. Teen girls’ sexual decisions are often the result of them medicating pain.

I see it on their faces when the information I share in class hits too close to home.

It’s like I’ve ripped off a scab before deep wounds have had time to heal.  

They are often in pain and it is real and raw. And truth be told, I feel guilty for exposing a wound without being able to heal it.

I wish I could heal every hurt of every girl who is visibly shaken during class or pours out her heart to me after class. But I can’t.

[Read more…]

Celebrating One Year, 7 Secrets & 3,000+ Girls Impacted

7 Secrets Flyer for October 15th

One year. 7 Secrets. 3,000+ girls impacted. Either from reading 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You themselves or from learning about the Secrets during my presentations.

Unlocking the 7 Secrets has made it possible for me to educate and empower girls I never would have otherwise.

Who knew the girl who hated writing as a teen would grow up to become the author of a book that is transforming the way young women view and value themselves in and outside of a relationship?

Not me!

And yet, I am blown away by the feedback 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You: A Teen Girl’s Guide on Love, Sex, and Relationships has received over the past year.

From young women.  

This book was an eye-opener for me and I think it will be for many teenage girls…Not only does this book show you how to handle the challenges we deal with, but also the truth behind some of the things we as teenagers are going through. -15-Year-Old Girl

I suppose being five months away from turning twenty-one doesn't quite qualify me as a ‘teen’ but I cannot deny that 7 Secrets Guy Will Never Tell You spoke to me in areas that I didn't even know I needed to address in my life…As I read this book, I discovered a key component I was missing in my journey [of self-discovery] was self-respect. -Young Woman

[Read more…]

How I’m Expanding Your Daughter’s Pool of Guys She Could Marry

Wedding Day Hands

People ask me all the time why I focus on teen girls in my posts.

 “What about the guys?” they ask. And I get the concern.

We’ve been guilty as a culture of blaming and shaming girls for their sexual decisions. Especially when those choices result in teen pregnancy.

While guys are often let off the hook. Celebrated even for their sexual prowess.

I don’t agree with that kind of thinking.

If we’re going to expect girls to abstain from sex. We ought to expect the same from guys.

That’s what I do in the classroom every day. My mission is to increase the pool of guys that teen girls will have to choose from when they marry one day. Maybe even for your daughter.

How do I accomplish this?

I start by challenging guys to consider their future family’s best interests over their sex interests.

Putting their Future Family First

One of the ways I reach guys is by educating them on consequences that they aren’t aware of…like the fact that guys can’t be tested for the strain of HPV that causes cervical cancer in women.

[Read more…]

What Teen Guys “Get” About Commitment That Teen Girls Don’t!

People in love with african little girl and boy holding hands in park. Cropped view

In last week’s post, I talked about how girls view sex as “forever,” and guys do not.  It is the same thing with commitment. Teen girls imagine a “happily ever after” while guys think “we’re monogamous for now.”

And you know what? I can’t be mad at guys for that.

What Guys “Get” that Girls Don’t

Here’s why I think guys get commitment right, and I wish girls would take a page out of their book:

After a girl in class complained about boys being unable to commit in a relationship, a young man who had admitted earlier to being sexually active commented, 

Why do girls expect long-term commitments at our age? We are too immature to commit. We don’t really know who we are yet, and the person I am now is probably different than the person I’ll be later. If I don’t even know who I’m going to be in 5 years, why do they expect us to know who we want to be with in 5 years?

“We are too immature…We don’t really know who we are yet…”

Ding! Ding! Ding!

[Read more…]

Knowing This One Thing Can Help Your Daughter Bypass #Back2School Heartache

beauty girl cryWow! I can’t believe we’ve already reached the end of my #Back2School with Jackie B series.

I was excited to share this series with you because so much of what happens in a teen girl’s life happens at school. Good and bad.

Thankfully, many of the “bad” experiences girls face can be avoided with a little preparation.

During this time of year, parents tend to focus their attention on the physical preparations for #back2school (i.e. uniforms and supplies). What’s overlooked is the social preparation.

And I believe that is the difference between your daughter having a drama-filled new school year, and one that is drama-free. (Pretty sure I know which you’d prefer.)

So, if you’re new to my blog or have missed any of the previous posts from this series, here’s a quick rundown:

[Read more…]

Three #Back2School Conversations You NEED to Have With Your Daughter!

teen daughter and mother talking

Welcome back to my #Back2School with Jackie B blog post series. I hope you’ve found the first two posts to be helpful for both you and your daughter as she kicks off a new school year.

You especially want to make sure your daughter has her copy of my FREE Checklist, 10 Things Every Teen Girl Needs to be F.A.B.. Go here to download it today!

In part three of the series, I would like to share three conversations I believe every parent of a teen daughter needs to have to prepare her for a successful and stress-free new school year.

Obviously, there are countless conversations that can and should be had with your daughter over the course of this school year. (The more the merrier if you ask me).

But these are three that routinely come up with girls in my classroom, that I think would have a far greater impact with your daughter if initiated by you at home.

1. "I expect you to do your best, not be 'the best.'"

One of the complaints I continue to hear from teen girls, particularly 8th graders, is that they are under constant pressure to be perfect.

[Read more…]

10 Things Every Girl Needs for #Back2School You Won’t Find on a Supply List

Welcome back to the second post of my #Back2School with Jackie B. series. If you live in the Southeast like I do, you’re probably cart-deep in #Back2School shopping for your daughter. 

B2S ChecklistNew clothes. New uniforms. New backpack. New school supplies. 

All are important items to have for the new year.

But if you really want to make sure your daughter is prepared for #Back2School, make sure she stocks up on the following 10 things you won’t find on any supply list:

[Read more…]

What a Difference a Dad Makes: How Engaged Fathers Empower Their Daughters

Happy father applying chocolate spread on croissant for daughter in domestic room

There’s a lot of attention paid to the negative impact of fatherlessness on daughters, and I am the first to tell you that it is a real issue with many of the girls I teach.

However, in honor of Father’s Day, I’d like to flip that around and focus on the positive impact of fathers who are actively engaged in their daughters’ lives.

Especially when it comes to their decisions regarding love, sex, and relationships.

The following are three ways daughters are empowered in their dating decisions by actively engaged dads.

  1. They lean in to positive parent pressure. In the same way that positive “peer” pressure influences girls like your daughter to make healthy choices (like abstaining), having an engaged father influences them to make healthy choices too.  In this case, her goal isn’t to fit in with peers she likes and wants to impress, but to keep from disappointing her dad, whom she loves and wants to make proud.

If I had sex, not only would I regret doing something I can’t take back, but my dad knowing I didn’t respect myself would hurt him emotionally too.

[Read more…]

When Teen Romance Turns Tragic: How Teen Girls Form Unhealthy Emotional Attachments & What You Can Do to Intervene

Depressed Teenage Girl Sitting In Bedroom With Pills

I’ve heard teen girls say that they love hard or when they fall in love, they fall hard. They say it as if that’s a badge of honor.

What does that mean anyway? Loving hard!

Does it mean that they’ll blindly give their hearts, souls and bodies to their boyfriends, no questions asked?

I have a big heart and I love fast and hard and guys take advantage of that.

That they fully intend to marry their boyfriends one day, and as a result, believe it their sole responsibility or “wifely duty,” to make sure their “husbands” are happy?

Before you came to speak to us, I always had my mind focused on the fact that making a guy happy is all there is to life.

Or maybe “loving hard” means these girls get so emotionally wrapped up in their relationships, that they are unable to cope when something goes wrong or it eventually ends.

In a few of my past relationships I have had sex, and when they ended I felt devastated and empty.

Loving Hard + Sex = A Powder Keg! 

I’m concerned when I meet girls whose entire world revolves around their relationships.

Is that healthy at their age, considering there’s only a slim chance that teen relationships will last past their teen years? 

Earlier this week I read about the tragic story of an 18-year-old girl in Cincinnati, OH, who committed suicide in her dorm room. 

[Read more…]

It Takes Two to Tango: Why Educating Your Daughter is Only Half the Battle

When schools request that I come do an assembly, I’m often invited to only speak to the girls.

I then counter by strongly suggesting that I speak to both the girls and guys.

Why?

Because educating girls about love, sex, and relatinships is only half the battle!

And guys are often just as receptive to my message as girls are, and sometimes more so.

My Equal Opportunity Message

As much as I enjoy seeing the light-bulb go off for a girl or guy in my class, I really love it when I get to talk to couples.

[Read more…]