Consider the Cost: How to Teach Your Teen Freedom is Never Free. Especially When It Comes to Sex

Happy 4th of July!

Any American like myself, celebrating  “Independence Day,” should know our “independence” has and always will come with a price.

Soldiers sacrifice their lives for us to have our freedom. So, freedom is never truly FREE!

The Lingering Costs of Sexual “Freedom”

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During the 1960’s there was another  “freedom movement” called the Sexual Revolution. At the time there were only two sexually transmitted infections that we knew about, gonorrhea and syphilis. Today, there are 25+ known STIs/STDs.  This generation is paying the price for all of the sexual freedom that was ushered in during the 1960’s.

I share the above in the classroom before I begin to speak with the students about the cost they may have to pay for the sexual decisions they make during their teen years.

A few months ago, I received the following email through my website:

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The Issue of Faith: Why it Matters and How NOT to Apply It When Having “The Talk”


A latin mature father sitting and reading the Bible to his family outdoors in a medium shot.

In honor of this Easter weekend, I thought it fitting to tackle the role faith plays in teen girls’ decision-making when it comes to sex.

From the time we were born, we were taught to chase the momentary satisfaction. We were taught to find the largest high to fulfill our greatest lows and for me, that was sex. I gained my ultimate satisfaction from the opinion of man. It wasn’t until I discovered that a righteous, pure, just man died for me, that I found my true value and worth, Jesus Christ. Now I no longer have to chase the momentary satisfaction because I’ve found a permanent one. ~High School Junior

The truth is, religious beliefs are a very strong reason why some teen girls (and guys) abstain.

According to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than half of teen girls—57 percent—said that they had never had sex, and nearly one-half of these young women said that the main reason they had abstained from sex was that it was against their religion or morals. 1

And I have received numerous letters from girls that confirm this survey’s results.

If I wasn’t already sold on being sexually abstinent because of religious and emotional reasons, I surely am now. ~High School Sophomore

I am a Christian girl and my biggest fear isn’t STD’s or the emotional distress, etc. It’s the fact that my God would be disappointed in me. I am not trying to say that I would have sex if I didn’t know my God but I’m saying why don’t you explain to people that you can find love through something else that’s not a person or material things. ~High School Freshman

As a Christian myself, I understand why Christian parents would approach their “Talk” from a biblical perspective. And I think that’s great!

But time and again I see teens reject their parents’ teachings.

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An Open Letter to the Mom Who Bought Tickets for Her 13-Year-Old Daughter and Her Friends to Watch Fifty Shades of Grey


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This month marks the two-year anniversary of the premiere of the movie, Fifty Shades of Grey. And if the first movie wasn’t graphic enough for you, the sequel that premiered this month, Fifty Shades Darker, should do the trick. That is, if you’re old enough to watch an R-rated movie and not a 13-year-old girl like the young lady below who mentioned in class one day that she had seen it. 

If you know me at all, you know I wasn’t about to let this little revelation go without me engaging her further. 

Me: You saw Fifty Shades of Grey?!?!!?!?!?

Her: Yes!

Me: Isn’t that movie rated R? How did you get to see it?

Her: If you buy your tickets online, they don’t check it when you give them your ticket.

Me: How did you buy the ticket online if you aren’t old enough to have a credit card?

Her: My mom bought the ticket.

Me: Your MOM took you to see Fifty Shades of Grey?!?!?!

Her: NO, she didn’t go with me. She just bought the tickets for me and my friends to go see it.

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How Korey Sex-Proofed his Life: Practical Tips that can Work for Teens too!

For a young man, Korey is full of wisdom that both teens and their parents can glean from, don’t you agree? And once again with this week’s Conversation with Korey, he doesn’t disappoint!

It’s one thing to say you’re going to stop having sex, but it’s something else entirely to actually live out your commitment on a daily basis. But that’s exactly what Korey has done over the past couple of years.

Today Korey and I discuss what it really takes to sex-proof your life so you can live sex-free till marriage.

Free your Mind and the Rest will Follow

It wasn’t until Korey changed his mind about sex, that he was able to change his behavior. What followed was him setting boundaries for himself in several key areas you’re going to want to take note of. Including:

  • What he listened to
  • What he watched
  • Who he hung out with
  • How he referred to himself

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3 Top Mistakes Parents Make with their Child and Porn!

iStock_000014687036SmallIn my last post, I shared a very enlightening interview I conducted with a Youth Pastor at a large, prominent church in the metro Atlanta area. He shared what he has observed with the youth at his church as it relates to pornography. Today is Part 2 of that interview. If you have not already read the first part of the interview, I would encourage you to do so.

Jackie: Based on your experiences, what is the biggest mistake that parents make when it comes to teens and pornography?

Youth Pastor: I can think of three mistakes that parents make!

Mistake #1: Assuming that pornography is not a struggle for their child.

I will tell you even as a Youth Pastor, the temptation is there. I would venture to say that there is not a teenage boy or man who doesn’t have to deal with the lust of the flesh. Actually, it’s not just teenage boys, but girls as well. I will admit that the temptation is stronger for some than others.

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A Youth Pastor’s Experiences with Pornography

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In my last post, I discussed how parents could lessen their child’s risk for exposure to pornography. As I said, it’s not a matter of if their child will be exposed to pornography, but rather when. This week, I will share a very enlightening interview I conducted with a Youth Pastor at a large, prominent church in the metro Atlanta area about what he sees in his interactions with the youth in his church.

It’s bigger than you think!

Jackie: How big of a problem do you think pornography is for teenagers based on what you see in your work as a Youth Pastor?

Youth Pastor: I have no doubt that pornography has become one of the biggest threats and attacks on teenagers today. I think it’s a bigger problem than drugs or alcohol, even more so with technological advances such as, smart phones, iPods and even gaming systems that can access the Internet. When I started in youth ministry 10 years ago, I would sometimes hear about struggles with pornography. As the years have advanced, it’s now one of the top issues I hear from teenagers as far as their struggles and for a lot of them it has become an addiction.

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Porn: Is Your Child at Risk?

iStock_000015913655SmallIf your child has access to any electronic device, he or she is definitely at risk of being exposed to pornography! Unfortunately, it’s not a matter of if your child will be exposed to pornography, but rather when.

·    93% of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to Internet pornography before the age of 18. 1.

As much as we want to shield our children from societal ills such as pornography, unfortunately we are living in a culture where not talking to them about these things may be setting them up for failure. (I wrote about a similar topic in a previous post, “Protecting Innocence or Promoting Ignorance.”) Your child needs to know that pornography exists and that he/she will likely come across it at some point.

A child’s first exposure to porn will probably be by accident, as was the case for this 8th grade girl,

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