The Perfect Valentine’s Gift for You and Your Teen Daughter

The best Valentine’s Day gift you and your daughter could give each other?

For her to love herself.

Why? Because girls who love themselves are F. A.B. (Focused, Authentic & Brave).

These girls also make better choices.

When girls make better choices, parenting them becomes so much more enjoyable.

It's the gift that keeps on giving…to both you and your daughter.

There is less conflict between the two of you.

You don’t have to stay on top of her about her grades/schoolwork.

And you don't have to worry about her seeking validation from her relationship status.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Relationships

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5 Things You Want Your Teen Daughter to Leave Behind in 2017

Untitled designFor many adults, this is the time of year when we conduct an annual review of our own lives over the past 365 days.

We anticipate what we'd like to accomplish and who we want to be in the new year by first reflecting over the one we've just had—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I believe it's a good idea for teens to do the same.

So, I encourage you to help your daughter take a personal inventory of what worked well and what didn't this year. 

That way, she'll know what to carry over from 2017. And more importantly what NOT to carry over into 2018.

Forgetting those things which lay behind…

To get the ball rolling, here are five things I believe every teen girl should leave behind in 2017:

1.  The need to please. So many girls tell me they have sex because they want to make their boyfriends happy. As if making their boyfriends happy is their sole purpose in life. It's heartbreaking to witness. That's why it's so important that you remind your daughter often that she is NOT responsible for any guy's happiness. Only her own, which is more than enough.

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Confidence: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Portrait of an attractive young woman posing with her hand on hip. Beautiful african woman in stylish casuals posing outdoors.

If you were to ask me what is the one thing that can make the difference in whether a girl says yes or no to sex, I'd say CONFIDENCE!

Yet, as important as actively engaged fathers and unconditional love are to a teen girl's decision-making regarding sex, I believe the determining factor in whether she says yes or no is confidence. 

Confidence is Key!

Am I saying that girls who have confidence will always choose to abstain?

Of course not.

But I am saying that girls who suffer from a lack of confidence are more likely to engage in sex (and other risky behaviors).

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How to Empower Daughters Who Don’t Have Engaged Dads!

Imagine what it would be like if every daughter had a healthy relationship with a great father who validates, protects, guides and provides for her.

Talk about (dad)vantages. We could retire the term "daddy issues" once and for all!

If only…

But unfortunately, many teen girls don't have much of a relationship with their fathers at all. "Daddy issues" often plague them as a result.

I am a fifteen-year-old girl in her sophomore year. Personally, I wanted to say thank you for allowing me to realize the purpose I have. I myself am considered to have 'daddy issues.' I’ve never really had a stable relationship with my father since he walked out and divorced my mom when I was 10. Anyways, with that at hand, I’ve always felt like I needed someone to approve of me. I’ve felt unwanted and just needed someone to tell me I’m better than the stuff I’ve been thinking of doing. Basically, I just wanted to say thank you so much for helping me realize again that my morals and life mean something.

One thing I will never forget is how you spoke about how a lot of teen girls who haven’t had a good father in their life to prove them they are worth so much more, were usually the ones who seek attention and love from their boyfriend. That was always something I expected from my boyfriend. My dad isn’t a bad person overall but he never really sacrificed much to be a part of my life which I resent about him a lot. Therefore, I use to expect so much from my boyfriend. I never thought of myself as you explained I should.

You know what I wish?

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Three #Back2School Conversations You NEED to Have With Your Daughter!

teen daughter and mother talking

Welcome back to my #Back2School with Jackie B blog post series. I hope you’ve found the first two posts to be helpful for both you and your daughter as she kicks off a new school year.

You especially want to make sure your daughter has her copy of my FREE Checklist, 10 Things Every Teen Girl Needs to be F.A.B.. Go here to download it today!

In part three of the series, I would like to share three conversations I believe every parent of a teen daughter needs to have to prepare her for a successful and stress-free new school year.

Obviously, there are countless conversations that can and should be had with your daughter over the course of this school year. (The more the merrier if you ask me).

But these are three that routinely come up with girls in my classroom, that I think would have a far greater impact with your daughter if initiated by you at home.

1. "I expect you to do your best, not be 'the best.'"

One of the complaints I continue to hear from teen girls, particularly 8th graders, is that they are under constant pressure to be perfect.

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10 Things Every Girl Needs for #Back2School You Won’t Find on a Supply List

Welcome back to the second post of my #Back2School with Jackie B. series. If you live in the Southeast like I do, you’re probably cart-deep in #Back2School shopping for your daughter. 

B2S ChecklistNew clothes. New uniforms. New backpack. New school supplies. 

All are important items to have for the new year.

But if you really want to make sure your daughter is prepared for #Back2School, make sure she stocks up on the following 10 things you won’t find on any supply list:

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Three A+ Tips to Help Your Daughter Have a Distraction-Free School Year

Mother and Daughter

Time to kick-off the new school year with my #Back2School with Jackie B blog post series!

I am as excited about this series as I am about returning to the classroom.

Why? Because I get to share strategies you can use to help prepare your daughter for life at school.

Like the following three A+ tips you can implement to help your daughter focus on what's important and steer clear of distractions. Especially the "cute" kind. smiley

1. Help her write a vision and create goals.  

I find it counter-productive to tell students they should abstain from sex until they get married or even hold off until they’re adults, without helping them envision what they want their future to look like.

When teens can visualize what they stand to gain in the future (achieving their goals), they’re much more receptive to putting off unnecessary distractions in the present (having sex).

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The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy That Could Hurt Your Daughter!

Girls who take my class often complain that guys who won’t pressure them to have sex don’t exist.

I find that’s one of the biggest lies girls believe. And one that I gladly disprove every chance I get (like in Chapter 7 of my book, 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You).

When these same girls do come across a young man who is more than happy to wait, they often believe one of the following:

1.  The guy is gay.

I used to have trouble explaining to the girl I love why I wouldn't have sex with her. It dumbfounds her. Sometimes she calls me gay…, but I just shrug it off.

2.  He’s cheating on her.

After school on Friday, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex and I said to her, ‘We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to think that I’m using you because I’m not. I can go on till marriage without this.’ She was furious. She got up and began to question if I was cheating on her. She started asking me if I was getting it from some other girl and if I didn’t want her anymore. I sat her down and told her where I was coming from, but…she still either wants to have sex with me or thinks I must be cheating. Time well wasted…

3.  He doesn’t find her attractive.

I am sexually active and this girl is the perfect example of what you spoke about. I have noticed that she has low self-esteem because of how jealous she is…She keeps me around so she can hear that she’s beautiful. She’s broken inside and out. Typically, a guy takes advantage of a girl like this, but I don't want to fit the stereotype of the typical guy. But, us without sex rips her apart inside. She thinks the worst and feels that if we're not having sex then she’s either unattractive or I'm cheating on her. What is the best way to go about this?

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When Teen Romance Turns Tragic: How Teen Girls Form Unhealthy Emotional Attachments & What You Can Do to Intervene

Depressed Teenage Girl Sitting In Bedroom With Pills

I’ve heard teen girls say that they love hard or when they fall in love, they fall hard. They say it as if that’s a badge of honor.

What does that mean anyway? Loving hard!

Does it mean that they’ll blindly give their hearts, souls and bodies to their boyfriends, no questions asked?

I have a big heart and I love fast and hard and guys take advantage of that.

That they fully intend to marry their boyfriends one day, and as a result, believe it their sole responsibility or “wifely duty,” to make sure their “husbands” are happy?

Before you came to speak to us, I always had my mind focused on the fact that making a guy happy is all there is to life.

Or maybe “loving hard” means these girls get so emotionally wrapped up in their relationships, that they are unable to cope when something goes wrong or it eventually ends.

In a few of my past relationships I have had sex, and when they ended I felt devastated and empty.

Loving Hard + Sex = A Powder Keg! 

I’m concerned when I meet girls whose entire world revolves around their relationships.

Is that healthy at their age, considering there’s only a slim chance that teen relationships will last past their teen years? 

Earlier this week I read about the tragic story of an 18-year-old girl in Cincinnati, OH, who committed suicide in her dorm room. 

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Why are Teens Really Having Sex? It’s Not What You May Think!

Young couple kissing

I believe students find my presentation to be so effective because I don’t use the fear of contracting STD’s or getting pregnant to persuade them not to have sex. While the “scared straight” approach may work at convincing most teens to avoid jail, it doesn’t convince most to avoid sex. 

Why? Because raging hormones that need to be scared straight into submission aren’t the real reason teens are having sex based on what my students tell me in the letters they write – especially girls. In fact, in many cases, they don’t even want to have sex as you’ll see in the clip below.

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