#DadsMatter: Korey Explains How Fatherless Girls Become Easy Prey for Guys

Hopefully by now the Conversation with Korey blog series has sparked honest, open-ended discussions between you and your teen. The practical tips Korey shared last week are great for any guy or girl who’s made a commitment to abstain and needs additional inspiration on how to “sex-proof” their day-to-day decisions.

In today’s post, Korey and I delve into the highly sensitive topic of fatherlessness and its impact on girls. Before we begin, now feels like a great time to offer my disclaimer: The purpose of this post is not to assign blame to anyone for the very complex subject of fatherlessness. Our goal is simply to highlight some of the issues that girls without fathers face as a result.

While this is never a fun topic to discuss, it’s one that am forced to address every time I speak to girls. So many of them are suffering the negative effects of not having dads in their lives, which almost always shows up in their relationships with boys. That’s why I wanted to get Korey’s take on it. 

The insight he offers as a young man who has encountered, been in relationships and/or had sex with young ladies without fathers, is worthy of taking notes.

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How Korey Sex-Proofed his Life: Practical Tips that can Work for Teens too!

For a young man, Korey is full of wisdom that both teens and their parents can glean from, don’t you agree? And once again with this week’s Conversation with Korey, he doesn’t disappoint!

It’s one thing to say you’re going to stop having sex, but it’s something else entirely to actually live out your commitment on a daily basis. But that’s exactly what Korey has done over the past couple of years.

Today Korey and I discuss what it really takes to sex-proof your life so you can live sex-free till marriage.

Free your Mind and the Rest will Follow

It wasn’t until Korey changed his mind about sex, that he was able to change his behavior. What followed was him setting boundaries for himself in several key areas you’re going to want to take note of. Including:

  • What he listened to
  • What he watched
  • Who he hung out with
  • How he referred to himself

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Teen Girls Who Don’t Know their Value Become Women Who Don’t Know their Value

I've been told for years that adults need to hear my message just as much as teens do because my message transcends age.

Teenage girl and her mother crying

Though my most requested presentation falls in the category of “sex education,” it covers so much more than sex. I address how to have healthy relationships, what it means to value yourself, how to treat yourself and others with love and respect, how to live a life of discipline and self-control, as well as how to make decisions now that will benefit you long-term and not just for the short-term. These are principles that apply to both teens and adults alike.

What You Don’t Know Can/Does Hurt You!

So what happens when adults did not learn these things when they were teens? They end up dealing with the same issues that teens are dealing with, just much later in life and for a longer period of time.

I recently received the email message below that confirmed for me how important it is to teach this generation of young ladies their value so they do not end up battling with the issue of low self-worth when they are well into their adult years.

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Flowers Fit for a Funeral!

Growing up, I often heard older people say, “Give me my flowers while I can still smell them.” Many times, this was said after they had attended a funeral and left the funeral wondering whether the deceased had been told before he/she died all of the wonderful things that were said at the funeral.

White coffin with pink sympathy flowers

This past weekend I saw a great example of flowers being given to a person while she was still alive to smell them, and that quote from the older people came alive for me like it never has before.

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If We Would Only Believe…

"YES you can" on chalkboardMany people believe that in order to influence teens to make good decisions we have to beat them over the head with the potential consequences of bad decisions or scare them into making good decisions.  I have been telling adults for years that it is not as difficult as they may think to positively influence teens’ decision making.

The following letter will show you just how simple it is:

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Why I’m NOT out to Prevent Teen Pregnancies!

iStock_000014737631XSmallDuring the 12 years I have been speaking to students, there have been a number of times when I have left schools feeling so burdened by the state of our culture that my chest literally felt heavy when I walked out the door of the school. Let me tell you about one of those days.

When speaking to a group of 8th grade students, there was a statement made by one of the students that really saddened me.  I was talking about the issue of teen pregnancy and telling them how selfish and unfair it was for teens to make decisions to have sex because that decision could result in an innocent child having to pay the price for their choice if a pregnancy occurs.

A young lady interrupted me to say just because a girl got pregnant as a teenager didn’t mean she couldn’t still make something of her life and give her child a good life.  She used her cousin as an example and said the following:

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Does She Know Her Worth?

If a girl doesn't know her worth, she will settle for what someone else is willing to spend; and she won't even know she got cheated.

For the past few weeks, I have been sharing the top reasons teens tell me they have sex. If this is the first post you have read in this series, I encourage you to spend some time reading the other posts. 

In today's post I share the final reason high school girls give me for having sex. 

Check out the video below:

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Love-Ed vs. Sex-Ed

Love Book

 

I think we miss the boat when we spend so much time talking to teens about sex when the better conversation is one about “love!”

When a young lady tells me she has sex in order to show her boyfriend how much she loves him (which is one reason high school girls give me for having sex), I immediately think that she needs a lesson in “Love-Ed” –a term coined by another student. And my response to her is:

What are you going to do to show yourself how much you love YOU?  You have to love yourself first before you can really love anyone else.

When you love YOU, you don’t make decisions that could jeopardize your chances of reaching your dreams and goals.  When you really love others, you don't let them make decisions that are harmful for them either.

What is more important than showing your boyfriend how much you love him is showing yourself and others how much you love and respect YOU!

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Kill the spider!

Spider-Webs-creepy-968300-l

I heard a message from a minister years ago that stuck with me because the truth of it resonated within.  His sermon topic was entitled, “Kill the Spider.” 

It was a simple message with a core principle that could apply in almost every situation.  He shared that when we clean our homes, we sometimes run across and subsequently have to remove spider webs.  We remove them one day, but they are back the next.  We get frustrated because even though we work hard to remove them, they continue to return. 

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