How to Turn Your Sex Talk into a Vision Board

Many students are often surprised to discover that “sex” is only a fraction of what I cover with them in my Sex-Ed classes. I spend a lot of time talking to teens about having a vision and setting goals for themselves. I also let them know that I expect greatness from them, which is something I encourage parents to do in The Sex Talk Every Parent Needs to Have DVD.

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Last week I posted about a mom, after my own heart, who took my DVD and ran with it! I shared the first part of her testimonial of how she made the DVD work for her and her 13-year-old son. If you haven’t already, I strongly suggest that you read it here.

Today is Part 2 of this amazing mom’s mission to open up the lines of communication with her son.

 

 

1.  Share My Expectations with My Son

I created a list of my expectations for my son. I made sure that for each one I used positive words, which presupposes positive actions. I read through the list with him and asked him if he had any concerns. I also offered an explanation for each expectation so he would know what I meant. He said he understood. These expectations are now posted on his bedroom door. The full quote from your DVD escapes me at the moment, but I remember something about “greatness being achieved when greatness is expected…” I may have it wrong at this moment, but that quote is what sparked the idea to write down and post my expectations of him.

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A Real Mom’s Guide to Having the Sex Talk with Her Son

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For years parents have sought my advice on how to talk to their kids about sex. Some have even asked me to have “The Talk” with their kids on their behalf. There was no way I could physically speak to every child whose parent(s) requested, nor would I want to rob any parent of having an open and honest dialogue about sex and relationships with their child. However, I recognized that many parents were clueless about how to even begin the conversation. Thus The Sex Talk Every Parent Should Have DVD was born.

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2014: My Year in Review!

It’s hard to believe that the first two weeks of 2015 have already passed. I’m hoping that’s not an indication of what’s in store for the balance of the year—time moving so fast that I barely remember it.

Each year, as I assemble the data to share my review of the previous year, I’m always blown away when I look at the numbers.

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But, for me it’s not about the numbers. What I remember most are the individual students, their faces and their stories. Oftentimes, heart-wrenching stories. And other times, stories that warm my heart.

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That Time I Gave Birth to Twins

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This time last year I was working on writing my first book for teen girls, The Seven Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You. Though I managed to finish the first draft, which was a major accomplishment for me, unfortunately you will not find that book on the shelves of any bookstore.

Let’s just say that for me, as a speaker, writing a book is much more daunting than standing in front of thousands giving a presentation. So, I decided that producing DVDs of my presentations might be a much easier undertaking. I was right!

While I have been working on the book in some form for several years, within a period of 6 months, from start to finish, my DVDs entitled, “Dreams, Decisions, Destinies: The Sex Talk Every Teen Girl/Guy Needs to Hear” were available for purchase. I felt like a proud mama who had just given birth to twins.

I have been blown away by the response to my “twins” that I have gotten from teens and parents alike. Below are just a few of the testimonials:

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Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Happy Thanksgiving word cloud As we head into this Thanksgiving week, I would like to share with you a few of the things that I am thankful for.

For starters, I am thankful for that which is so easy to take for granted—my health, family and friends.

I am also grateful I get to spend my days doing something that I am so passionate about that it doesn’t feel like work. As a matter of fact, I love what I do so much that I no longer dread Monday mornings.

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Living Beyond the Grave!

iStock_000018127451_Small Like many people, I was shocked to hear the tragic news of Dr. Myles Munroe’s death. His plane crashed Sunday evening in the Bahamas, killing him, his wife and the seven other people on board. He was only 60 years old.

Dr.-Myles-MunroeIf you are not familiar with Dr. Munroe, he was a pastor, motivational speaker and prolific author with numerous best sellers under his belt. Dr. Munroe authored 69 books covering topics from transformational leadership, personal development, spiritual growth, purpose, marriage and relationships. 

The first book I ever read by Dr. Munroe, more than 20 years ago, was entitled, Understanding Your Potential. I would name it among the top 10-15 books that have helped mold me into the person that I am today. I even incorporate several of the principles from this book in my current presentations for youth.

Monday, I watched a video of a message that Dr. Munroe delivered earlier this year and I found his message to be just as powerful in 2014 as it was when I read my first book written by him, 20 years ago. Dr. Munroe asked a question during this message that convicted me = “If you died today, what would happen to all of the knowledge you have?”

I was convicted because I knew that I did not have a good answer to the above question. I was embarrassed to admit that if I died today, I would take much of my knowledge to the grave with me. I have not done the work to capture/document that knowledge so the impact of it can be felt even after I’m gone.

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Flowers Fit for a Funeral!

Growing up, I often heard older people say, “Give me my flowers while I can still smell them.” Many times, this was said after they had attended a funeral and left the funeral wondering whether the deceased had been told before he/she died all of the wonderful things that were said at the funeral.

White coffin with pink sympathy flowers

This past weekend I saw a great example of flowers being given to a person while she was still alive to smell them, and that quote from the older people came alive for me like it never has before.

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Saving Your Child from Driving over the Cliff!

 Fifteen-year-olds are not young adults. They are big kids. They are not ready to make major life-decisions on their own, and they will ultimately hold us adults accountable for not being there to put up a roadblock when they have their foot on the pedal and are [bent] on driving their lives off a cliff.
–Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Red car balancing on the edge of cliff above city.

At a recent presentation, a parent approached me afterwards to thank me for what I am doing and to tell me that I was speaking to her and about her because she was a teen parent. She also said she wished there had been someone around like myself to speak with her when she was a teenager.

What she said next really struck me:

I have been having a lot of problems with my 16-year-old daughter lately. She has been dating an older guy and making some bad decisions sexually.  She really needed to hear everything you said today. She is at home because she refused to come and now I am kicking myself for not making her come.

At this point in the conversation, I am a little confused. I don’t understand how a 16 year old can refuse to go to a presentation that may save her from a lot of pain, heartache and regret, especially when the mother already knows the daughter is making bad decisions in this area. This young lady is living in her mother’s house, sleeping in her mothers’ bed and eating the mother’s food. At what point does the mother step up as a parent and tell the daughter that she does not have a choice about whether she will attend or not?

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Be Someone Who Matters to Someone Who Matters!

iStock_000011466729XSmallI’m sure you’ve heard the common stereotypes about teens—they are disrespectful, lazy, out-of-control, think they know everything, etc. You may have even said some of those things about them. I know I did before I began working with them twelve years ago.

Most adults think we’re just a bunch of idiot kids.

A few years after I started spending time with students in the classroom, something changed. Though I still saw some of the same behaviors I had seen before, their pain became much more glaring than their behavior. So, I stopped judging them and started praying for them. If you knew some of the situations many of them are dealing with at home, you would pray for them daily as well.

But this generation of youth needs more than just our prayers, they need our time!

I’m always curious to know why adults these days are not involved with teens lives anymore. ~High School Student

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The Ripple Effect: 2013 Edition

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I alone cannot change the world; but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ~Mother Theresa

 

If you are anything like I am, you are having a hard time believing that it is already 2014. It seems like only yesterday that we were celebrating the beginning of 2013. I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun.

I still marvel at the fact that I get to spend my days doing something I enjoy so much that it doesn’t feel like work.

Below are just a few of the things that happened in 2013 that have made my work so rewarding:

1.     Multiple students told me they had planned to have sex either that evening or that weekend but changed their minds after hearing my message.

2.     An 8th grade girl told me that she gained the courage while listening to my presentation, to report sexual abuse that she had endured for the past eight years.

3.     A young man gave me his condoms after class and said, “I won’t be needing these anymore because I’m done with sex.”

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