The Issue of Faith: Why it Matters and How NOT to Apply It When Having “The Talk”


A latin mature father sitting and reading the Bible to his family outdoors in a medium shot.

In honor of this Easter weekend, I thought it fitting to tackle the role faith plays in teen girls’ decision-making when it comes to sex.

From the time we were born, we were taught to chase the momentary satisfaction. We were taught to find the largest high to fulfill our greatest lows and for me, that was sex. I gained my ultimate satisfaction from the opinion of man. It wasn’t until I discovered that a righteous, pure, just man died for me, that I found my true value and worth, Jesus Christ. Now I no longer have to chase the momentary satisfaction because I’ve found a permanent one. ~High School Junior

The truth is, religious beliefs are a very strong reason why some teen girls (and guys) abstain.

According to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than half of teen girls—57 percent—said that they had never had sex, and nearly one-half of these young women said that the main reason they had abstained from sex was that it was against their religion or morals. 1

And I have received numerous letters from girls that confirm this survey’s results.

If I wasn’t already sold on being sexually abstinent because of religious and emotional reasons, I surely am now. ~High School Sophomore

I am a Christian girl and my biggest fear isn’t STD’s or the emotional distress, etc. It’s the fact that my God would be disappointed in me. I am not trying to say that I would have sex if I didn’t know my God but I’m saying why don’t you explain to people that you can find love through something else that’s not a person or material things. ~High School Freshman

As a Christian myself, I understand why Christian parents would approach their “Talk” from a biblical perspective. And I think that’s great!

But time and again I see teens reject their parents’ teachings.

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7 Secrets Book Update: The Ultimate Guide Every Teen Girl Needs

Shortly after I shared in a post in April that my book would be released in July, an unexpected obstacle caused a delay in the release of the book. I was disappointed because I was looking forward to finally getting the book into the hands of young ladies who so desperately need to read it. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the delay was a blessing in disguise.

After things didn’t work out with the first graphic designer I hired, I found a book des7SecretsCoverInteriorigner who provided advice that will result in me publishing a much better product.  One of the first things he recommended was a redesign of the book cover.

How do you like the new design?

He also recommended a different method of printing that would allow me to add color to the interior at a reasonable cost.

Taking my own advice!

When I speak to girls about their relationships, I share the following:

The enemy of best is not bad; the enemy of best is good!

How ironic that I was fully prepared to publish what I thought was a “good” book, until my book designer, Michael Rohani, showed me how I could publish a “best” book.

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How Not to Talk to Your Teens about Love, Sex & Relationships: Korey’s Advice to Parents

For the past seven weeks, I’ve had the privilege of sharing my Conversation with Korey series with all of you, and today it draws to a close.

If you’ve been with me from the beginning, you’ll recall that Korey Harris, is but one of an awesome group of ten young adults whom I’ve been blessed to mentor.  Each of them have their own amazing story to tell, and are often the highlight of my youth empowerment workshops. They are one of the many reasons #WhyIDoWhatIDo.

I have witnessed first-hand, how much Korey’s transparency and candor has resonated with the teens who have attended my events. He’s also been a hit with their parents who value his insight into their teen world.  

So today, in my final Conversation with Korey post, we sit down to discuss advice for parents. Check out Korey’s words of wisdom for moms and dads who may struggle with how to engage their teens in meaningful discussion about love, sex and relationships, in a way that won’t go in one ear and out the other.

A Tale of Two Extremes

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The Big Brother Advice Every Girl Needs to Hear: Korey Talks Love, Sex & Relationships

The most popular post of my Conversation with Korey series thus far, has been this one where Korey talks about the impact of fatherlessness on girls. It clearly struck a chord with a lot of people as I'd hoped it would. And I pray today’s post will do the same.

Tune in as Korey shares big brother wisdom with girls on love, sex and relationships – topics that many of them could benefit hearing from a caring young man’s perspective.

What’s Love Got to Do with It?

When it comes to teenage girls, love has a lot to do with it. The problem is many of them have a skewed definition of love, due in large part to the media. And our culture has trivialized what it means, to the point where now sex has become synonymous with love. Now there’s almost a reprogramming that has to happen, so that girls will know how to recognize authentic love that is mutually beneficial and healthy for both people involved.

As Korey points out, love should never make or break a girl. If he had a little sister, he would tell her that she can’t look to another person to discover who she is. Korey would also advise her not to compromise who she is-her value, her beliefs-all in the name of so-called “love.”

The advice Korey shares in today’s clip, for the little sister he never had, is spot on for any young lady.  He encourages her to avoid wrapping herself up in another person to the point where she loses sight of who she is.

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#DadsMatter: Korey Explains How Fatherless Girls Become Easy Prey for Guys

Hopefully by now the Conversation with Korey blog series has sparked honest, open-ended discussions between you and your teen. The practical tips Korey shared last week are great for any guy or girl who’s made a commitment to abstain and needs additional inspiration on how to “sex-proof” their day-to-day decisions.

In today’s post, Korey and I delve into the highly sensitive topic of fatherlessness and its impact on girls. Before we begin, now feels like a great time to offer my disclaimer: The purpose of this post is not to assign blame to anyone for the very complex subject of fatherlessness. Our goal is simply to highlight some of the issues that girls without fathers face as a result.

While this is never a fun topic to discuss, it’s one that am forced to address every time I speak to girls. So many of them are suffering the negative effects of not having dads in their lives, which almost always shows up in their relationships with boys. That’s why I wanted to get Korey’s take on it. 

The insight he offers as a young man who has encountered, been in relationships and/or had sex with young ladies without fathers, is worthy of taking notes.

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Korey Tells All: Who Says Teen Guys Aren’t Looking for Value and Acceptance?

Last week I introduced you to my mentee Korey Harris, a 26-year-old young man who discovered peace after giving up sex several years ago.

One thing about Korey that stands out, in real life as well as on video, is how authentic he is. He’s a young man with amazing drive and the determination to start his own basketball skill development business.  He trains both collegiate and professional players, even as a student-athlete himself. And Korey doesn’t shy away from the fact that he’s never played basketball on a professional level. He owns it. Much like he owns his decision to abstain from sex.

There’s an ease and comfort level about Korey that comes from knowing and accepting who he is and what he’s about. But he’ll be the first to tell you, he wasn’t always so sure of himself.

Acting Out for Acceptance

In this next clip from my Conversation with Korey series, we discuss how the promise of being the first person in Korey’s family to graduate from college, almost slipped through his fingers.

A misdirected need for acceptance by “friends” who didn’t have his best interests at heart, led to him engaging in behavior that contradicted the positive upbringing his mother worked hard to instill in him.

Thankfully, that’s not where Korey’s story ends!

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Discover How a 26-year-old Man Found Peace After Giving up Sex

One of the perks of my job is that I get to meet so many awesome young people. Several of whom I’ve also had the privilege of mentoring. These young adults not only walk the walk by practicing abstinence post high-school/college, but they also talk the talk by sharing their insight and experiences with middle and high school students, parents and/or anyone who’ll listen.

My mentees are one of the reasons why I remain encouraged to continue teaching my unique brand of Sex-Ed message. They prove that it can and does resonate with both girls and guys, including mentee Korey Harris.

An Interview with Korey

At 26 years old, Korey is a student-athlete, author and entrepreneur with his own athletic training company. He has also been celibate for more than two years.

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Worth the Wait! How Will They Know?

Anticipation-7Are you old enough to remember the Heinz™ ketchup commercial with the “Anticipation” song? The lyrics were simple, “Anticipation…It’s making me wait.” It took, what seemed like, forever for the ketchup to finally drip from the bottle as the caption read, “The taste that’s worth the wait!”

Waiting! Who does that anymore?!?!

I’m not one to glamorize the past and make it seem like this generation is “going to h*%@ in a hand basket.” But, I often tell students that I feel sorry for their generation for many reasons. One of those reasons is the fact that many of them are being deprived of the opportunity to experience the emotion of “anticipation” and the joy of its fulfillment. They are required to wait on very little today. For most of them, whatever they want, they get!

I’m not sure what your childhood was like, but there were a couple of ways I was blessed to experience the fulfillment of anticipation when I was a kid.

Cartoons

Did your parents ever complain about how difficult it was to get you out of bed for school during the week, but yet on Saturday mornings you were up bright and early in order to watch cartoons? If you were like I was, you were so excited about the chance to watch cartoons on Saturday that you were up even earlier than your parents were.  Oh, how things have changed: today kids can watch cartoons 24 hours a day, seven days a week. As a result, they never get to experience the weekly excitement of looking forward to Saturday mornings.

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Teen Girls Who Don’t Know their Value Become Women Who Don’t Know their Value

I've been told for years that adults need to hear my message just as much as teens do because my message transcends age.

Teenage girl and her mother crying

Though my most requested presentation falls in the category of “sex education,” it covers so much more than sex. I address how to have healthy relationships, what it means to value yourself, how to treat yourself and others with love and respect, how to live a life of discipline and self-control, as well as how to make decisions now that will benefit you long-term and not just for the short-term. These are principles that apply to both teens and adults alike.

What You Don’t Know Can/Does Hurt You!

So what happens when adults did not learn these things when they were teens? They end up dealing with the same issues that teens are dealing with, just much later in life and for a longer period of time.

I recently received the email message below that confirmed for me how important it is to teach this generation of young ladies their value so they do not end up battling with the issue of low self-worth when they are well into their adult years.

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The Day I Changed What I Pray!

iStock_000005119542SmallThe other morning I woke up thinking about something that had happened the previous day that changed the way I pray every day.

Let me give you a little background. Before I go into a classroom or an assembly, I pray that God's Spirit will rest upon me as I speak.  I’m aware that His Spirit is always present on the inside of me. My prayer is that His Spirit also rests upon me so the students can sense His presence. I also take authority over every demonic spirit that will try to hinder the students from hearing and receiving my message of TRUTH.

You say the truth and I am happy you tell it like it is because that’s what my generation needs…the TRUTH. ~High School Student

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