Sexual Assault: Breaking the Cycle of Secrecy Among Our Girls

April 22, 2018 by Leave a Comment

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As unfathomable as sexual assault is, there’s another ugly truth that we must acknowledge.

Many teen girls have been carrying around the secret of their rape or molestation since they were little girls.

Today in part three of my series for Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month, I want to focus on the cycle of secrecy that so many of our girls find themselves trapped in.

Remember in my first post of this series, when I shared with you an activity that I do at the beginning of student assemblies with all girls?

I did that enlightening "Please Stand Up If…" activity at a middle school one day and I could see on some of the girls’ faces that they weren’t standing because they knew someone.

They were standing because they were THAT GIRL who had been raped or molested…most likely when they were younger, by someone much older.

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Teen Sexual Assault: Why Damage Done Doesn’t Mean “Damaged Goods”

April 15, 2018 by Leave a Comment

A woman who is a victim of abuse is hiding in the darkness of an old shed, sitting on the ground with a shadow of a mans hand hovering over her

Last week, I shared the first of what I originally planned to be a two-part series for Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month.

But I realized while working on today's post that I still have more to share on this issue.

So, welcome to the 2nd of my now three-part series.

If you missed last week's post, I pointed out just how common sexual assault is.

Today, I want to address the issue of victim-blaming and its damaging impact on young survivors.

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Why You Never Want Your Daughter to “Stand Up” for Sexual Assault

April 8, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Sad and lonely black girl feeling depressed

Over the past few years, the college campus rape culture has captured national attention like never before due to several high-profile cases.

And that's a good thing.

The more awareness brought to the issue, the better.

But if we really want to address the problem?

We first have to recognize that sexual assault doesn't just become an issue once our kids get to college.

The same "culture" exists in high school.

…And in middle school.

…And for many, even at home.

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN):

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How to Prevent Your Daughter from Being a Victim of Teen Dating Violence

February 25, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Teen-DV-Month

When I first started speaking to teens about healthy relationships, I didn't realize how prevalent teen dating violence was.

Not until I started receiving letters like the one below, from girls who lived through it.

I have been through a lot and I just don’t know how to tell my mom. I was with this boy and he totally turned my life upside down. At first, he was really sweet and caring and I thought that he really loved me. Then it got crazy! He hit me, called me names, called me fat, and cheated on me. Even though he did all this stuff, I stayed with him and I exploited myself. I sent him nude pictures of myself and other things. Then he told his friends. I kind of hope you read this letter in class to tell girls that they deserve better and not to stick around with someone like that because they don’t really love you like they say they do.

It didn't take long to notice common threads throughout the hundreds of letters girls have written describing abuse they suffered at the hands of a boyfriend they believed loved them.

So, I started sharing these letters in class to educate girls (and guys) about teen dating violence. With hopes that one day young ladies will no longer need to write them.

Today I'm doing the same in this post, in recognition of February being Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

I'm hoping that together we can prevent teen dating violence from ever becoming your daughter's story.

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Why it’s Irresponsible to Deny Counseling to Teen Girls

November 16, 2017 by Leave a Comment

Welcome back to the sixth post of my Let's Talk Teens series featuring Dr. Tartt. With only one more remaining, now is the time to get caught up if you've missed any of the five previous posts. 

Today, Dr. Tartt and I discuss what I believe is the missing puzzle piece for many teen girls who, for various reasons, are not emotionally whole.

As I've mentioned before, these are the girls who stay after class bawling in my arms.

Or the ones who write me letters three-pages long.

Either way, the girls often reveal secrets their mothers aren't even aware of. The kind I'm sometimes mandated to report.

These young ladies come to me seeking counsel. So, I listen and offer whatever comfort and insight I can. Then I strongly encourage them to tell their mothers, and seek professional therapy.

After that it's up to their moms to pursue it.

Would you?

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#Back2School Burdens or Blessings: Which Will Define Your Daughter’s Year?

July 27, 2017 by 1 Comment


back to school after summer vacations, two teen real girls in classroom with blackboard painted together close up

Wow! It’s hard to believe that next week, July 31st to be exact, is the first day of school in the two counties where I spend most of my days speaking.

My how times have changed! Never in a million years could I have ever imagined starting school in July.

The teachers like to spend several weeks with the students before I come in to speak, which means I still have a few more weeks to get my voice ready for the four to six hours of speaking each day.

As the new school year begins, I’m looking forward to seeing the light bulb go off on teens faces when they hear a truth for the first time, causing them to connect the dots between their current choices and their future realities.

Most importantly, I’m looking forward to seeing how God will continue to answer all our prayers over the next school year. You know the prayers that I’ve been requesting from you over the years?

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Back to the Basics: Why Sexual Assault Prevention Begins with Consent

April 6, 2017 by Leave a Comment

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"It took me listening to you for me to realize that I’ve been raped twice."

WOW! It boggles my mind that any young lady wouldn’t recognize when she’s being raped. Why is that?

Is it because girls are so desperate for attention from a guy that they are willing to do whatever he wants just to get it, including having sex unwillingly?

Or is it that they have been conditioned to believe that what they want doesn't matter?

Do they think so little of themselves and their bodies that they don’t believe they have the right to decide what happens to their bodies?

In honor of Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month, I thought it important to shed light on an issue that is more pervasive than most parents realize.

The Problem Defining the Culture

Sadly, I have enough letters from teen girls sharing their sexual assault stories, that I could post one every day for months.

And I’ve read way too many letters from girls who tell me that they wouldn’t say they were raped; they just didn’t want to have sex.

Or they say, they succumbed to pressure and just “let it happen,” like the young lady below: 

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Sexual Assault Awareness: Shining a Light on a Daily Issue

May 9, 2016 by Leave a Comment

Stop rape.

April was Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month. If you follow me on Facebook, you know that I chose to bring awareness to this issue by posting a new letter every day during April, from a student who had been raped or molested. I wish I didn’t have enough letters to be able to post one each day for an entire month. But, not only did I have enough, I could continue posting letters every day for months sadly.

Rape and molestation are happening at such epidemic proportions that I believe only bringing attention to them one month out of the year is doing a disservice to the issue. So, I’m purposely choosing to write a post about it after the designated month is over. I guess it’s my way of rebelling against a culture that doesn’t always acknowledge the severity of the problem.

Quiet as it's Kept

When I wrote a post to highlight Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month last year, I shared a story of a young lady who had been date-raped two years earlier and had never reported it until she told me. Since then, I’ve continued to see a pattern of girls keeping their sexual assault/rape a secret. Even if they do tell someone, many times they don’t want to press charges or get counseling.

Unfortunately, many girls blame themselves when they are violated. They tell me they don’t want to press charges and risk going to trial and being interrogated as if they were at fault. They also don’t want to get counseling because they don’t want to replay the incident and the trauma and shame that comes with it.

Earlier this year, a high school junior who was raped by four guys in an abandoned house when she skipped school during her freshman year, wrote the following:

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Date Rape: Lifting the Burden of Secrecy!

April 28, 2015 by Leave a Comment

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Last year, my post to commemorate “Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month” focused on children who were molested or raped as a child by a family member. This year I want to focus on date rape, which is unfortunately a lot more common than it should be.

While teaching recently, I noticed a young lady trying her best not to lose it when I told a story about another student who had shared with me that she had been “date raped.” Tears streamed down the young lady’s face, as she tried her best to keep the rest of the class from seeing her cry.

She broke down crying in my arms after class and told me her boyfriend had raped her two years ago when she was in the 9th grade. She said she broke up with him the next day, but had never told anyone about the rape.

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My Week in Review: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!

September 23, 2014 by 2 Comments

Driving at sunset - rear view mirrorLast week was quite a week! I drove almost 700 miles and spoke to more than 2,500 students in seven schools in five towns.

The GOOD!

As much as I despise driving, it was actually refreshing to travel through small towns where life seems so much simpler than life in a big city. I was constantly tempted to pull over to take pictures of perfectly lined trees in pecan orchards, people sitting on benches in quaint little town squares or the elderly gentleman sitting on his tractor at the edge of his yard waving at every passing car.

There’s also something fulfilling about speaking to students in small towns who attend schools that may not have the resources of schools in larger cities. You can almost see the hunger on the students’ faces. In most of the schools I visited last week, the students were so attentive that you would have thought I had honey dripping from my lips. It was as if they were hearing things they had never heard before, and they were eating it up.

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