How I’m Expanding Your Daughter’s Pool of Guys She Could Marry

September 22, 2017 by Leave a Comment

Wedding Day Hands

People ask me all the time why I focus on teen girls in my posts.

 “What about the guys?” they ask. And I get the concern.

We’ve been guilty as a culture of blaming and shaming girls for their sexual decisions. Especially when those choices result in teen pregnancy.

While guys are often let off the hook. Celebrated even for their sexual prowess.

I don’t agree with that kind of thinking.

If we’re going to expect girls to abstain from sex. We ought to expect the same from guys.

That’s what I do in the classroom every day. My mission is to increase the pool of guys that teen girls will have to choose from when they marry one day. Maybe even for your daughter.

How do I accomplish this?

I start by challenging guys to consider their future family’s best interests over their sex interests.

Putting their Future Family First

One of the ways I reach guys is by educating them on consequences that they aren’t aware of…like the fact that guys can’t be tested for the strain of HPV that causes cervical cancer in women.

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Consider the Cost: How to Teach Your Teen Freedom is Never Free. Especially When It Comes to Sex

July 3, 2017 by Leave a Comment

Happy 4th of July!

Any American like myself, celebrating  “Independence Day,” should know our “independence” has and always will come with a price.

Soldiers sacrifice their lives for us to have our freedom. So, freedom is never truly FREE!

The Lingering Costs of Sexual “Freedom”

Screen Shot 2017-07-03 at 10.41.52 PM

During the 1960’s there was another  “freedom movement” called the Sexual Revolution. At the time there were only two sexually transmitted infections that we knew about, gonorrhea and syphilis. Today, there are 25+ known STIs/STDs.  This generation is paying the price for all of the sexual freedom that was ushered in during the 1960’s.

I share the above in the classroom before I begin to speak with the students about the cost they may have to pay for the sexual decisions they make during their teen years.

A few months ago, I received the following email through my website:

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Your Daughter is Listening, Whether You Believe it or Not!

February 2, 2017 by 1 Comment

Words have power.

I’ve always been confused on what I want with my body. I’ve grown up around family who tells me, “You’re going to have sex. You’re going to drink and go to parties,” as if I couldn’t avoid doing it. The problem is I listened. I started drinking, and it became a problem. It’s something I always regretted.

I’m still a virgin, and thanks to your lesson, I realized that’s one thing I can truly still take control of. I finally feel like I can control something. 

You really helped me wake up to [realize] what I’ve been doing to myself. I really appreciate what you’ve done for me. Please come back to help other girls like me.

There are a couple of things the young lady wrote in the above letter that I think you may be able to learn from in order to help your daughter make good choices.

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Can You Really Teach Selflessness to the Selfie Generation?

September 26, 2016 by Leave a Comment

The answer is yes, you can! Granted, selflessness is not a topic students expect to hear when they take my Sex-Ed class, but I’ve found it to be quite effective once I break it down for them.

Teen Sex is as Selfishness Does

Every school year I introduce a new approach that becomes the focus for my classes. Last year it was selfishness vs selflessness.

As with tackling any new approach, there are a couple steps I take to introduce it:

  1. Define the Approach/Idea. I always like to begin with a definition that students can understand on their level.

“Selfish is when you make a decision that benefits you even though it hurts someone else.”

Sometimes even concepts that adults deem “simple” are anything but for teens, so I never assume they already know what I mean.

  1. Paint the picture. Let’s face it, when it comes to talking about teen sex there’s not a lot of “painting” required. Oh they get it!

But as you’ll see in the clip below, I do paint the picture of the selfishness of teen sex, especially given the very real possibility of a baby being conceived. Despite what some reality shows would have teens to believe, teen parenting is never ideal for the baby or the parents.

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How Korey Sex-Proofed his Life: Practical Tips that can Work for Teens too!

October 14, 2015 by 4 Comments

For a young man, Korey is full of wisdom that both teens and their parents can glean from, don’t you agree? And once again with this week’s Conversation with Korey, he doesn’t disappoint!

It’s one thing to say you’re going to stop having sex, but it’s something else entirely to actually live out your commitment on a daily basis. But that’s exactly what Korey has done over the past couple of years.

Today Korey and I discuss what it really takes to sex-proof your life so you can live sex-free till marriage.

Free your Mind and the Rest will Follow

It wasn’t until Korey changed his mind about sex, that he was able to change his behavior. What followed was him setting boundaries for himself in several key areas you’re going to want to take note of. Including:

  • What he listened to
  • What he watched
  • Who he hung out with
  • How he referred to himself

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Korey Tells All: Who Says Teen Guys Aren’t Looking for Value and Acceptance?

October 7, 2015 by Leave a Comment

Last week I introduced you to my mentee Korey Harris, a 26-year-old young man who discovered peace after giving up sex several years ago.

One thing about Korey that stands out, in real life as well as on video, is how authentic he is. He’s a young man with amazing drive and the determination to start his own basketball skill development business.  He trains both collegiate and professional players, even as a student-athlete himself. And Korey doesn’t shy away from the fact that he’s never played basketball on a professional level. He owns it. Much like he owns his decision to abstain from sex.

There’s an ease and comfort level about Korey that comes from knowing and accepting who he is and what he’s about. But he’ll be the first to tell you, he wasn’t always so sure of himself.

Acting Out for Acceptance

In this next clip from my Conversation with Korey series, we discuss how the promise of being the first person in Korey’s family to graduate from college, almost slipped through his fingers.

A misdirected need for acceptance by “friends” who didn’t have his best interests at heart, led to him engaging in behavior that contradicted the positive upbringing his mother worked hard to instill in him.

Thankfully, that’s not where Korey’s story ends!

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Discover How a 26-year-old Man Found Peace After Giving up Sex

September 22, 2015 by Leave a Comment

One of the perks of my job is that I get to meet so many awesome young people. Several of whom I’ve also had the privilege of mentoring. These young adults not only walk the walk by practicing abstinence post high-school/college, but they also talk the talk by sharing their insight and experiences with middle and high school students, parents and/or anyone who’ll listen.

My mentees are one of the reasons why I remain encouraged to continue teaching my unique brand of Sex-Ed message. They prove that it can and does resonate with both girls and guys, including mentee Korey Harris.

An Interview with Korey

At 26 years old, Korey is a student-athlete, author and entrepreneur with his own athletic training company. He has also been celibate for more than two years.

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Worth the Wait! How Will They Know?

June 9, 2015 by Leave a Comment

Anticipation-7Are you old enough to remember the Heinz™ ketchup commercial with the “Anticipation” song? The lyrics were simple, “Anticipation…It’s making me wait.” It took, what seemed like, forever for the ketchup to finally drip from the bottle as the caption read, “The taste that’s worth the wait!”

Waiting! Who does that anymore?!?!

I’m not one to glamorize the past and make it seem like this generation is “going to h*%@ in a hand basket.” But, I often tell students that I feel sorry for their generation for many reasons. One of those reasons is the fact that many of them are being deprived of the opportunity to experience the emotion of “anticipation” and the joy of its fulfillment. They are required to wait on very little today. For most of them, whatever they want, they get!

I’m not sure what your childhood was like, but there were a couple of ways I was blessed to experience the fulfillment of anticipation when I was a kid.

Cartoons

Did your parents ever complain about how difficult it was to get you out of bed for school during the week, but yet on Saturday mornings you were up bright and early in order to watch cartoons? If you were like I was, you were so excited about the chance to watch cartoons on Saturday that you were up even earlier than your parents were.  Oh, how things have changed: today kids can watch cartoons 24 hours a day, seven days a week. As a result, they never get to experience the weekly excitement of looking forward to Saturday mornings.

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Saving Your Child from Driving over the Cliff!

October 14, 2014 by Leave a Comment

 Fifteen-year-olds are not young adults. They are big kids. They are not ready to make major life-decisions on their own, and they will ultimately hold us adults accountable for not being there to put up a roadblock when they have their foot on the pedal and are [bent] on driving their lives off a cliff.
–Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Red car balancing on the edge of cliff above city.

At a recent presentation, a parent approached me afterwards to thank me for what I am doing and to tell me that I was speaking to her and about her because she was a teen parent. She also said she wished there had been someone around like myself to speak with her when she was a teenager.

What she said next really struck me:

I have been having a lot of problems with my 16-year-old daughter lately. She has been dating an older guy and making some bad decisions sexually.  She really needed to hear everything you said today. She is at home because she refused to come and now I am kicking myself for not making her come.

At this point in the conversation, I am a little confused. I don’t understand how a 16 year old can refuse to go to a presentation that may save her from a lot of pain, heartache and regret, especially when the mother already knows the daughter is making bad decisions in this area. This young lady is living in her mother’s house, sleeping in her mothers’ bed and eating the mother’s food. At what point does the mother step up as a parent and tell the daughter that she does not have a choice about whether she will attend or not?

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A Youth Pastor’s Experiences with Pornography

February 14, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Java Printing

In my last post, I discussed how parents could lessen their child’s risk for exposure to pornography. As I said, it’s not a matter of if their child will be exposed to pornography, but rather when. This week, I will share a very enlightening interview I conducted with a Youth Pastor at a large, prominent church in the metro Atlanta area about what he sees in his interactions with the youth in his church.

It’s bigger than you think!

Jackie: How big of a problem do you think pornography is for teenagers based on what you see in your work as a Youth Pastor?

Youth Pastor: I have no doubt that pornography has become one of the biggest threats and attacks on teenagers today. I think it’s a bigger problem than drugs or alcohol, even more so with technological advances such as, smart phones, iPods and even gaming systems that can access the Internet. When I started in youth ministry 10 years ago, I would sometimes hear about struggles with pornography. As the years have advanced, it’s now one of the top issues I hear from teenagers as far as their struggles and for a lot of them it has become an addiction.

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