Six Things I Learned from a Former Student’s Phone Call

Cell PhoneI received a call Saturday from a soon to be 22 -year-old young lady who served on the leadership team of an after-school club I worked with when she was in high school.  I had not spoken with her since she graduated from high school.

She began by telling me she had wanted to talk with me for a couple years, but had just built up enough courage to call me. She was reluctant to call because she was ashamed of her decision to begin having sex at 19 years old. She was also afraid I would be disappointed in her.

As I listened to her talk about how she was parented and why she made the decision to have sex, I heard some very interesting things that I would like to share with you:

1. Children need rules and want high expectations!

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Guys Want to Hear More about “Protection” from a Sex Ed Teacher!


ProtectionI am very grateful when God gives me a new approach to use with young men to counteract the barrage of messages they get from the media encouraging them to have sex. This week, I will share a strategy I began implementing with guys about a year ago that has proven to be quite effective. And it’s not what you think!

I’ve found that guys are not always aware that the reasons why girls have sex, in many cases, are very different than their own. Guys are also often ignorant of the emotional impact of the sexual activity on girls.

In order to help guys understand the cause and effect of sex for many girls, I read them one of the thousands of letters that I have received from teen girls, like the following:

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Why I’m NOT out to Prevent Teen Pregnancies!

iStock_000014737631XSmallDuring the 12 years I have been speaking to students, there have been a number of times when I have left schools feeling so burdened by the state of our culture that my chest literally felt heavy when I walked out the door of the school. Let me tell you about one of those days.

When speaking to a group of 8th grade students, there was a statement made by one of the students that really saddened me.  I was talking about the issue of teen pregnancy and telling them how selfish and unfair it was for teens to make decisions to have sex because that decision could result in an innocent child having to pay the price for their choice if a pregnancy occurs.

A young lady interrupted me to say just because a girl got pregnant as a teenager didn’t mean she couldn’t still make something of her life and give her child a good life.  She used her cousin as an example and said the following:

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A Mother’s Warning about Social Media…

Instagram

 

Last week I received a very disturbing and heartbreaking email message from a mother who follows my blog. She asked me to share her email message with my readers so they will never experience what her family has experienced.

 

Her letter:

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The Greatest Story Never Told!

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Are teens more sexually active today than they were 20 years ago? Are there more teen pregnancies today than there were 20 years ago? Most of you would probably answer, “Yes” to both those questions. After all, every generation gets worse and worse, right?

The Stories Students Tell!

When I hear adults question whether it’s realistic to expect teens to abstain from sex, I want to bring them with me to the schools or let them read some of the more than 10,000 letters that I have received from high school students over the past 11 years.

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The Ripple Effect: 2012 Edition

stones in a water

 

I alone cannot change the world; but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ~Mother Theresa

 

Last week I shared here that I was looking forward to the ending of my summer and the beginning of the 2013-2014 school year. After reading the post, a friend asked me how many students I had spoken to last year and if I knew how many of them made commitments to abstain from sex.

So I decided to check the numbers and they blew me away. I am now even more motivated to continue casting stones (Yes, even motivational speakers need a little motivation from time to time). 

I wanted to share my results in case they may serve as a source of motivation for you as you cast your stones.

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Is the Goal to Reduce Teenage Pregnancies or Teenage Sex?

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You may have read in the news about the decision in New York City to make Plan B emergency contraceptive available to any public high school student without her parents’ knowledge, as long as her parent did not opt out of the program.

This program was rolled out in five New York City public high schools in January 2011.  By September 2012, the program had been expanded to 13 public high schools. Today, the program is in more than 40 public high schools in New York City.

Last semester, I decided to ask students what they thought about the idea of making Plan B emergency contraceptive available confidentially to high school students.  

At the beginning of each class on the first day, I passed out a slip of paper with the following question on it:

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The Measure of Manhood

In February of 2012, I was speaking for a youth organization and the young ladies in the audience began lamenting about how it would be impossible to find a young man who would be willing to wait for sex even if they had decided to wait.  

To their surprise, a very handsome 27-year-old volunteer stood up and quickly informed them that there were guys out there that were waiting and he was one of them. This young man was Terrell Johnson.

Terrell attributed his decision to abstain from sex until he is married to the message his father gave him when he was young, a message that has continued throughout his adult years. The more I talked to Terrell about his decision, the more I realized that I had to meet his father, Mr. Charles Johnson.

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Why High School Boys Say “NO” to Sex!

Thank you so much for coming to talk to my class, I have a new perspective when I think about sex. I have a girlfriend of thirteen months, and when you mentioned that if you love someone you keep their best interest at heart, it really spoke to me. This is because I feel as if I do love her and I have never pressured her into sex because I know where she places her standards and I don’t think there is anything more attractive than that. And she is the only girl I have imagined having a future with. Because of your talks I have a better understanding of what is most important; and that is her, not parts of her. Thank you again for all you have said and all you do.

I am excited to share the last post in my series "Teens Tell All: Top 20 Reasons Why Teens DO and DON'T Have Sex" and I think you will be quite encouraged.

Check out the video below to learn what keeps high school boys from becoming sexually active and what you can do to help your son make the same choice.

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When Boys Think Sex = Manhood

I appreciate you for not giving up on teens. I thought the presentation was informative and realistic, especially the part about guys being pressured into having sex. Sometimes it feels like society wants us to have sex, like we aren’t really men if we don’t take advantage of women. I just thank you for your efforts in trying to save us. ~High School Student

In today’s post I share with you why high school boys tell me they make a decision to have sex. What may surprise you is that some young men say they are influenced to become sexually active by adults.

 

Find out more in the video below:

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