Kill the Spider! You Can’t Help Your Daughter Until You Do!


I heard a message from a minister years ago that stuck with me because the truth of it resonated. 

His sermon topic was entitled, “Kill the Spider.” 

It was a simple message with a core principle that could apply in almost every situation. 

He shared that when we clean our homes, we sometimes run across and subsequently have to remove spider webs. 

We remove them one day, but they're back the next. 

We get frustrated because even though we work hard to remove them, they continue to return. 

He said the spider webs were just the evidence that the spider existed.

They would continue to come back until we addressed the root cause of the problem. 

We have to kill the spider.  

I often think of this message when I talk to teens and pre-teens. 

I realize that for many of them their sexual activity, or thoughts about it, is a symptom of a BIGGER issue. 

Identify the Spider Before You Kill It!

The "spider" for many girls is low self-esteem and not understanding how much they're worth.

Below is one of MANY examples.

An 8th grade girl wrote the following:

Before this class, I honestly thought that I would be having sex in high school because I felt like it would be the only way to prove to people that I am not some goody two shoes, smart girl. It would also show that someone actually likes me enough to have sex with me. Now I know that having sex before marriage isn’t going to help me be accepted and that just being who I am is perfect. I really feel like a stronger person now. Thank you for helping me understand how I can truly be me, and that sex isn’t the way to determine who I am.

I read this letter and my heart broke.

To think that this young lady would consider making such a MAJOR decision in order to prove her worth.

Until we start addressing the root cause of so many teens having sex, we'll forever spend our time pulling down “spider webs.”

Unfortunately, 8th-grade girls who don’t understand and know their value grow up to become high school girls who don’t know their value and have the same issues. 

Following is a letter from a high school girl who didn’t realize her value in middle school:

I truly enjoyed your visit. Everything that you spoke about made me think about myself. I’ve always had low self-esteem and I felt that if I had sexual intercourse with the guys I ‘talked to’, then maybe I’d feel different about myself, but the feeling never changed. Every time you spoke about having values and boundaries I realized that’s something I never had. I spent most of my life trying to find a boy that can love me, more than I can ever love myself. I was looking for acceptance from a guy that I thought would always be there. I learned a lot from you and ever since I heard you speak, it makes me want to better myself in every way possible.

Likewise, the cycle continues if no one steps in to show our young ladies that sex/relationships do NOT define them.

And high school girls who don’t develop a healthy sense of selfworth will grow up to become college or adult women who are still trying to find their value through a string of sexual encounters. 

Below is an email from a young lady in college who did just that during her teen years:

Personally I am not a virgin and I have been sexually active for some years and it has really taken its toll on me. It is certainly not worth it. Falling in love over and over, giving your all to a person and then being left with physical and emotional scars that torment you for years. I have always felt like I was selling myself too short, but I so desperately wanted to be loved. Sadly I have been doing this simply from not knowing what I was worth and I’m still not sure, but I am willing to find out.

Now you see why I do what I do?

We must help our girls break this cycle by eliminating their "webs" once and for all.

The "Spider" Repellent that Does the Trick

The best way to get rid of spiders once and for all?


And nothing kills the spider of low self-worth like a healthy dose of SELF-CONFIDENCE.

If we work hard to build the confidence and selfworth of girls while they're still young, we can prevent them from making such life-altering decisions when they're older.

Have you found yourself pulling down spider webs for your daughter, only to have them show back up?

It's time to kill the spider.

Or maybe you just want to be proactive and prevent your daughter from ever experiencing an infestation.

Either way Mom, she needs you to be her personal exterminator.

Go here for tips on how to help your daughter build up a lifetime supply of CONFIDENCE to kill the spider of low self-worth once and for all.



  1. I truly believe these young ladies were better able to articulate their core issue, find the spider, because they had someone like you stand before them and point them to it. Most of the time young women in these situations don't even really understand WHY they're doing what they're doing. They recognize something's missing but can't adequately identify or articulate what that "something" is. Thank you for helping our young people find and kill the spider. 

    • Monica, Thank you so much for your comments/insight. You're so right–A lot of the young ladies acknowledge that it never "clicked" for them why they were making their decisions until they heard my message. The encouraing thing is when they commit to making better/different decisions once they realize why they were doing what they were doing.

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