Sexual Assault: Breaking the Cycle of Secrecy Among Our Girls

April 22, 2018 by Leave a Comment

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As unfathomable as sexual assault is, there’s another ugly truth that we must acknowledge.

Many teen girls have been carrying around the secret of their rape or molestation since they were little girls.

Today in part three of my series for Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month, I want to focus on the cycle of secrecy that so many of our girls find themselves trapped in.

Remember in my first post of this series, when I shared with you an activity that I do at the beginning of student assemblies with all girls?

I did that enlightening "Please Stand Up If…" activity at a middle school one day and I could see on some of the girls’ faces that they weren’t standing because they knew someone.

They were standing because they were THAT GIRL who had been raped or molested…most likely when they were younger, by someone much older.

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Teen Sexual Assault: Why Damage Done Doesn’t Mean “Damaged Goods”

April 15, 2018 by Leave a Comment

A woman who is a victim of abuse is hiding in the darkness of an old shed, sitting on the ground with a shadow of a mans hand hovering over her

Last week, I shared the first of what I originally planned to be a two-part series for Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month.

But I realized while working on today's post that I still have more to share on this issue.

So, welcome to the 2nd of my now three-part series.

If you missed last week's post, I pointed out just how common sexual assault is.

Today, I want to address the issue of victim-blaming and its damaging impact on young survivors.

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Why You Never Want Your Daughter to “Stand Up” for Sexual Assault

April 8, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Sad and lonely black girl feeling depressed

Over the past few years, the college campus rape culture has captured national attention like never before due to several high-profile cases.

And that's a good thing.

The more awareness brought to the issue, the better.

But if we really want to address the problem?

We first have to recognize that sexual assault doesn't just become an issue once our kids get to college.

The same "culture" exists in high school.

…And in middle school.

…And for many, even at home.

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN):

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How to Bridge the Communication Gap Between You and Your Teen!

March 11, 2018 by Leave a Comment

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Teaching teens about making healthy choices is not just about me giving teens information.

It's also about the information I get from them.

And boy do I learn a lot!

My goal is to take what they teach me and share it with parents like you.

Why?

To help bridge the communication gap between parents and teens.

And ultimately help you build a closer relationship with your daughter.

I start by asking girls in my class to share what they don’t understand about their parents.

And what they don’t think their parents understand about them.

Today I want to talk about two of their responses that come up in almost every class.

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How to Prevent Your Daughter from Being a Victim of Teen Dating Violence

February 25, 2018 by Leave a Comment

Teen-DV-Month

When I first started speaking to teens about healthy relationships, I didn't realize how prevalent teen dating violence was.

Not until I started receiving letters like the one below, from girls who lived through it.

I have been through a lot and I just don’t know how to tell my mom. I was with this boy and he totally turned my life upside down. At first, he was really sweet and caring and I thought that he really loved me. Then it got crazy! He hit me, called me names, called me fat, and cheated on me. Even though he did all this stuff, I stayed with him and I exploited myself. I sent him nude pictures of myself and other things. Then he told his friends. I kind of hope you read this letter in class to tell girls that they deserve better and not to stick around with someone like that because they don’t really love you like they say they do.

It didn't take long to notice common threads throughout the hundreds of letters girls have written describing abuse they suffered at the hands of a boyfriend they believed loved them.

So, I started sharing these letters in class to educate girls (and guys) about teen dating violence. With hopes that one day young ladies will no longer need to write them.

Today I'm doing the same in this post, in recognition of February being Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month.

I'm hoping that together we can prevent teen dating violence from ever becoming your daughter's story.

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Why Cervical Cancer Awareness Month Matters to Your Teen Daughter

January 22, 2018 by Leave a Comment

cervical cancer awareness month

Of all the STDs that I discuss with teens and parents, HPV is the STD they know the least about.

I want to make sure that's not the case for you and your daughter.

Not to mention, January is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month and the two go hand in hand.

How so?

According to the CDC, the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) causes most cervical cancers.

And Cervical Cancer is the most common HPV-associated cancer among women. 

But please don't think this is an issue that only adult women have to worry about.

The fact is HPV and cervical cancer can impact your daughter too.

What you don't know could hurt her!

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5 Things You Want Your Teen Daughter to Leave Behind in 2017

December 30, 2017 by Leave a Comment

Untitled designFor many adults, this is the time of year when we conduct an annual review of our own lives over the past 365 days.

We anticipate what we'd like to accomplish and who we want to be in the new year by first reflecting over the one we've just had—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I believe it's a good idea for teens to do the same.

So, I encourage you to help your daughter take a personal inventory of what worked well and what didn't this year. 

That way, she'll know what to carry over from 2017. And more importantly what NOT to carry over into 2018.

Forgetting those things which lay behind…

To get the ball rolling, here are five things I believe every teen girl should leave behind in 2017:

1.  The need to please. So many girls tell me they have sex because they want to make their boyfriends happy. As if making their boyfriends happy is their sole purpose in life. It's heartbreaking to witness. That's why it's so important that you remind your daughter often that she is NOT responsible for any guy's happiness. Only her own, which is more than enough.

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4 Rules for Your Daughter to Date By

December 6, 2017 by Leave a Comment

Welcome back for the final post of my Let's Talk Teens® series with Dr. Tartt.

I hope you've been enlightened, encouraged and empowered by the information shared over the past month and a half. Including:

  1. The #1 Issue Facing Teen Girls Today
  2. The (Dad)vantages of an Involved Father in a Teen Girl's Life
  3. How to Help Physically Present, Emotionally Absent Fathers Engage with their Daughters
  4. How to Empower Daughters Who Don't Have Engaged Dads!
  5. Advice for the Single Mom Whose Daughter's Father is Absent
  6. Why It's Irresponsible to Deny Counseling to Teen Girls

Today, I wrap up my one-on-one with noted clinical psychologist, Dr. Alduan Tartt, as he reveals his top four dating rules for his daughter that you can tweak to use for your own.

Teen Dating Rules of Engagement

Want your daughter to make smart dating decisions?

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Advice for the Single Mom Whose Daughter’s Father is Absent

November 5, 2017 by Leave a Comment

During the last few weeks of my Let's Talk Teens with Dr. Tartt blog post series, we've talked a lot about the importance of engaged fathers in a girl's life.

The benefits daughters reap when Dads are present and involved are undeniable.

The disadvantages daughters face when Dads are emotionally or physically absent, are equally undeniable, as Dr. Tartt shares here and here.

It would be wonderful if all teen girls fell into the first category.

Unfortunately, many fall into the latter—daughters whose dads aren't present in their lives.

The result?

I have hundreds of letters from teen girls, who've told me they turned to their boyfriends to fill the void.

I grew up raised by a single mother and absent father. I’ve never had sex, but it’s gotten close. And it’s true that I think it’s just a way to fill a void and I struggle with it daily.

Even guys write me about girls expecting them to fill the void of their absent fathers.

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How to Empower Daughters Who Don’t Have Engaged Dads!

October 28, 2017 by Leave a Comment

Imagine what it would be like if every daughter had a healthy relationship with a great father who validates, protects, guides and provides for her.

Talk about (dad)vantages. We could retire the term "daddy issues" once and for all!

If only…

But unfortunately, many teen girls don't have much of a relationship with their fathers at all. "Daddy issues" often plague them as a result.

I am a fifteen-year-old girl in her sophomore year. Personally, I wanted to say thank you for allowing me to realize the purpose I have. I myself am considered to have 'daddy issues.' I’ve never really had a stable relationship with my father since he walked out and divorced my mom when I was 10. Anyways, with that at hand, I’ve always felt like I needed someone to approve of me. I’ve felt unwanted and just needed someone to tell me I’m better than the stuff I’ve been thinking of doing. Basically, I just wanted to say thank you so much for helping me realize again that my morals and life mean something.

One thing I will never forget is how you spoke about how a lot of teen girls who haven’t had a good father in their life to prove them they are worth so much more, were usually the ones who seek attention and love from their boyfriend. That was always something I expected from my boyfriend. My dad isn’t a bad person overall but he never really sacrificed much to be a part of my life which I resent about him a lot. Therefore, I use to expect so much from my boyfriend. I never thought of myself as you explained I should.

You know what I wish?

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