What’s Love Got to Do with It? How to Help Your Daughter Make Valentine’s Day “Special” Without Sex

This time every year, teens (like adults), gear up to celebrate Valentine’s Day with the person they love. They buy cards, chocolate, teddy bears, balloons and flowers. They plan a romantic evening that may include dinner and a movie, and yes, even sex.

Word Love with heart shaped Valentines Day gift box on old vintage wooden plates. Sweet holiday background with rose petals, small hearts, curved ribbon.

In fact, a young lady approached me after class last week because she wanted to take one of my pledge cards, but she didn’t want it to be “activated" until after February 14th. Her plan was to wait until AFTER she had sex with her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day, before she began practicing abstinence.

I am a senior and while you were here you told me exactly what I had gone through and how to stop it. I asked you about becoming abstinent after Valentine’s Day because I felt as though sex is the only thing that would make Valentine’s Day special.

Sex is Not the Gift. She is!

I cannot tell you how many letters I’ve received from girls who told me they were planning to have sex to show their boyfriends how much they love them or to make them happy. As if sex is the only way to prove their true feelings or the gift that keeps on giving

It’s not!

I made it clear to the young lady above that either she wanted to abstain or she didn’t.  If she used Valentine’s Day as an excuse to have sex, she’d use another excuse the next time she wanted to have sex to justify it. 

I also reminded her that she was the prize!  If her boyfriend truly loved her, spending quality time with her on Valentine’s Day was “special” enough.

Thankfully, she got it.

…you made me realize there’re other things we could do. I am worth more and you made me realize it. My boyfriend also accepted the abstinence pledge card and after I told him everything you told me, he decided to do this with me.

Now let’s make sure your daughter does too.

Steer Her in the Right Dating Direction!

Just like you wouldn’t send your teenage daughter off to drive without preparing her to handle the road, you likewise shouldn’t send her out to date without preparing her to handle the dating scene.

When she knows better, she’ll date better! Tweet This! 

Where should you start?

By reminding your daughter that sex is NOT a requirement to make Valentine’s Day or any other special occasion “special.” Nor is it the only way to express her love for her boyfriend, as I write about in greater detail in the first chapter of 7 Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You: A Teen Girl’s Guide on Love, Sex, and Relationships

As the young lady with the pledge card came to realize, there are plenty of fun activities your daughter and her boyfriend can do together to celebrate Valentine’s Day that don’t involve sex. Including: 

  • Having a romantic dinner and then sit and watch the stars.
  • Taking an art class.
  • Writing each other a letter expressing how they feel about one another.
  • Planning a day of laser tag, rock climbing, jumping at a trampoline park, etc. 
  • Going on a Scavenger Hunt.

You also want to help your daughter come up with a plan for how to avoid temptation, such as no toasting their love with alcohol and absolutely no Netflix and chilling. wink

The more you prepare your daughter BEFORE she begins dating, the better choices she’ll make while she’s dating –even when it’s a special occasion like Valentine’s Day.  


  1. Lily Wright says:

    I think any activity with the heart or romance involved, or insinuated, can easily lead to sex! The teen years are not for coupling, boyfriend and girlfriend style, but making, developing and maintaining every type of relationship, EXCEPT boyfriend-girlfriend. In their twenties, after experiencing relationships without romance, THEN maybe candlelight dinner, at home movies, etc can be handled with more maturity, as now this type of dating can be done with the end goal being marriage and family. ❤️❣❤️? Js…

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